Shadows of Tomorrow

Chapter Four: The Distance Between Us

The next few days passed in a blur, and Maria couldn’t shake the feeling that she was living in two separate worlds. In one world, everything was normal: she went to classes, made small talk with her friends, and even started eating again when her mother prepared meals. On the surface, it seemed like she was getting better—her mother smiled a little more, her friends didn’t ask as many worried questions, and Eric seemed cautiously optimistic, like they had taken the first steps toward healing.

But in the other world—the world inside her head—nothing had changed. The weight of the future still pressed down on her, a constant presence lurking in the background. Every time she started to feel okay, the fear would creep back in, whispering reminders that it was only a matter of time before she failed, before she disappointed everyone.

And now, sitting in a café with Sophie and Lila, Maria felt like a stranger in her own life. She stirred her coffee absentmindedly, barely listening as her friends chatted about an upcoming concert they were excited to attend. Sophie was animated as always, her hands moving wildly as she talked, while Lila sat back in her chair, laughing quietly at Sophie’s antics. They were a perfect balance—Sophie with her fiery red hair and bold personality, and Lila with her soft, thoughtful demeanor. Maria had always admired their friendship, the way they seemed to understand each other without words.

But now, Maria felt distant, like there was a wall between her and the rest of the world, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t break through it.

“Maria, you still in there?” Sophie’s voice broke through her thoughts, and Maria blinked, realizing she had been staring blankly at her coffee for several minutes.

“Sorry,” Maria mumbled, forcing a smile. “I was just thinking.”

Sophie frowned, her bright green eyes narrowing with concern. “You’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Thinking, I mean. You’re not... you know, spiraling again, are you?”

Maria’s heart skipped a beat at the question. She wanted to say no, to reassure Sophie that she was fine, but the truth was more complicated than that. She wasn’t spiraling exactly, but she wasn’t okay either. It was like she was stuck in limbo, unable to fully climb out of the pit she had fallen into but not quite sinking deeper either.

“I’m okay,” Maria said finally, though the words felt hollow. “Just... still trying to figure some things out.”

Lila, who had been quietly observing the conversation, leaned forward, her soft brown eyes filled with understanding. “It’s okay if you’re not okay yet, Maria. You don’t have to have it all figured out.”

Maria nodded, grateful for Lila’s gentle reassurance. Of all her friends, Lila was the one who seemed to understand Maria’s struggles the most. She never pushed too hard, never demanded answers, but she was always there, quietly offering support in her own way.

“I know,” Maria said softly. “It’s just hard sometimes. I feel like I’m stuck.”

Sophie leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Well, we’re here to help you get unstuck, okay? I know I can be a bit much sometimes, but I mean it when I say I’m here for you. Lila too. We’re not going to let you drown in all this future crap.”

Maria smiled, a small but genuine smile this time. It wasn’t much, but it was something—a reminder that she wasn’t as alone as she felt.

They spent the next hour chatting, and for a while, Maria allowed herself to relax, to enjoy the simple pleasure of being with her friends. But even as they laughed and shared stories, the weight in her chest remained, a constant reminder that the peace she felt was temporary.

Later that evening, Maria found herself standing outside Eric’s apartment, her hands shoved deep into her pockets as she stared at the door. She had promised him that they would talk more, that she would try to let him in, but now that she was here, the familiar anxiety had crept back in, telling her that this conversation was a mistake. What if he didn’t understand? What if he saw just how messed up she really was and decided he couldn’t handle it?

The thought of losing him terrified her, but the thought of dragging him down with her was worse.

With a deep breath, Maria knocked on the door, her heart pounding in her chest. A few seconds later, Eric opened the door, his face lighting up when he saw her.

“Hey,” he said softly, stepping aside to let her in. “I didn’t think you’d come by tonight.”

Maria shrugged, feeling awkward as she stepped into the apartment. Eric’s place was small but cozy, with a comfortable-looking couch in the living room and a few scattered books and papers on the coffee table. It was a familiar space, one that Maria had spent many evenings in, but tonight it felt different. She felt out of place, like she didn’t belong here anymore.

“I just... I needed to talk,” Maria said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Eric closed the door and turned to face her, his expression serious. “I’m listening.”

For a moment, Maria didn’t know where to start. She had spent so long hiding her fears, pushing them down and pretending they didn’t exist, that now, standing here with Eric, she wasn’t sure how to put them into words.

“I’m scared,” she said finally, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. “I’m scared of the future, of failing, of losing you. I don’t know how to stop being scared, and it’s tearing me apart.”

Eric’s face softened, and he stepped closer, gently taking her hand in his. “Maria, it’s okay to be scared. But you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here. I told you that before, and I meant it.”

Maria shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “But what if I drag you down with me? What if I can’t handle it and I end up pushing you away? I don’t want to lose you, Eric.”

Eric squeezed her hand gently, his gaze steady and unwavering. “You’re not going to lose me. I know things are hard right now, but we’ll get through it. Together.”

Maria looked up at him, her vision blurry with tears. She wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that they could get through this, but the fear still lingered, a constant presence in the back of her mind.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

Eric stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. “You are. And even when you don’t feel like it, I’ll be here to remind you.”

For a moment, Maria allowed herself to lean into his embrace, the warmth of his arms offering a brief respite from the storm inside her. But even as she stood there, wrapped in Eric’s arms, the shadows of tomorrow loomed large, and Maria couldn’t shake the feeling that they were still waiting for her, just out of reach.