falling into the darkness : law and order SVU

2

A/N

Major TW for eating disorders!
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Hazel watches as the fluids from the IV bag drip slowly through the tube into her arm. She listens as the heart monitor beeps steadily. She feels Liv's soft warm hand placed gently on top of her colder calloused one. She wishes she were anywhere but here. Anywhere but here where they can pump her full of fluids and calories until she loses what she'd worked so hard to achieve. She watches Liv as she sleeps, wanting to be angry that the older woman had refused to leave her side, but finding herself grateful nonetheless.

—

the smell of disinfectant was overwhelming her senses. the room was spinning and she was definitely seeing two doctors stood in front of her. voices echoed.

no she's not pregnant.

she has no allergies.

has she eaten today?

hazel felt her heart rate sky rocket. she'd been here before, she knew the medical tests wouldn't hide it. she needed a reason, an excuse.

"i've been throwing up, i haven't been able to eat"

the words left her mouth before she'd had time to process. more questions. more tests. she felt the blood pressure cuff loosen and all of a sudden there was a flurry of movement. more words. more doctors.

intravenous fluids

intramuscular injections

blood tests

admit her. they were going to admit her. she locked eyes with olivia, who was stood in the corner of the room chewing her bottom lip. she reached out her hand, and liv grabbed it, giving it a squeeze. "you're going to be okay honey" she'd said. her face told a different story.

—

Olivia watched Hazel as the young girl fidgeted, eyes fixated to a seemingly particularly interesting spot on the floor. She listened to what the doctor was saying, the words viral infection and dehydration floating around in her mind. She knew deep down this wasn't a viral infection, or a temporary state of malnutrition and dehydration as a result. She knew Hazel had relapsed, and she knew a 3 day hospital stay wasn't going to fix it. She knew she had to say something, but she also knew it was a balance - if Hazel denied it and they discharged her Liv had no chance in hell of getting her to accept help. She'd spent the past 3 days watching as Hazel pretended to sleep through meal times - good enough to fool the doctors but not her. Watching as Hazel picked at the food they'd provided her with before pushing it away claiming she felt sick. Even with the anti-nausea meds they'd pushed through her IV. And now that her blood pressure had returned to normal, her blood work had stabilised and she was beginning to regain some energy all that stood between her and leaving was breakfast.

Hazel narrowed her eyes slightly at the toast placed in front of her. Her hands trembled as she reached to pick it up, praying Olivia would just leave her alone for one goddamn minute so she could hide it and get the hell out of here. Drawing in a sharp breath, Hazel willed herself to just get it over with and took a bite. She felt the butter coating her tongue and teeth, the bread becoming a sticky pile of mush in her mouth that no matter how hard she tried to swallow just seemed to get bigger and bigger until it was choking her. She gagged and bolted from the bed, stumbling into the bathroom before slamming herself down onto the floor, coughing up all of the tiny mouthful she'd tried to consume into the toilet bowl. She felt her hair being held back and soft soothing circles being rubbed into her back as she leant her forehead against the cool porcelain and sobbed. Too many thoughts. Thoughts that were racing round and round her head, choking her, drowning her. She needed to get out of here, she needed air. Forcing herself out of Olivia's arms, she ran and ran until her vision was blurring and her legs couldn't carry her anymore, bursting through the hospital doors out into the little garden and collapsed into a ball on the ground crying uncontrollably.