Another Life || Vinny Mauro

five

Sedona

I stare at my phone for far too long. I don't really know if I'm ready for this.

Tomorrow seems far too soon while also not being long enough to arrange my thoughts cohesively. With me taking a couple of days off, I do have a lot of work to catch up on so it's not an invalid excuse at the moment. I also don't necessarily if I can handle reopening the wound that just running into him at a grocery store did.

Me: How about Saturday? My work week is a little crazy at the moment.

Perfect. It's an off day for me and makes it to where I have a few days to decipher through everything I want to talk about.

I move into my apartment in two weeks; I profusely apologized to Maddie for the expenses of staying at this Airbnb but she insisted that she would rather know that I was safe than worry about write offs. I truly could not ask for a better team.

During our call, we compromised and landed on me being the main reporter that went to New York City if there were larger events going on, but that if there were situations that were recorded that I could listen to and gather the chunk of the information for it, that I could do that from home.

The divorce decree has been delivered to Tommy; since he assaulted an officer, he's being held for a little while and it did hold as substantial evidence for my case. The day that I had to sit down and write my written statements against him was fucking brutal but very worth it. I'm going to get a large sum of money from him for damages and the first thing I'm going to do is buy a car with it.

The phone buzzing in my hand pulls me from my thoughts.

Vinny: Works for me! My favorite is Blackwatch. Do you want to do noon?

I set my laptop down and stare at my phone screen more diligently and really slow down my knee jerk reaction. I immediately type Sure! but make myself put my phone down and really think before pressing send.

It's such a complex thing knowing that I am the villain in his story while he is the hero of mine; I don't know if me ending back up here is the universe pushing us back together or if I'm forcing myself to truly believe that it is. At the end of the day, I chose to find safety here even though I have a million other places that not only that I can afford, but are on my bucket list that I could have gone to instead. Am I infiltrating his life when he doesn't want me to?

Is this extension out of obligation?

I go outside in just my huge t-shirt and cotton shorts, the October chill making me zap out of it for a second and ground me. Vinny is a man of conviction and wouldn't do something that he didn't want to do, right? Or is he like me where he cannot physically stop himself from wanting to be near me? I take deep breaths in and out, my breath slightly visible as the sun sets. I hadn't been in weather this cold in years.

What am I wanting out of this? I mean, this city is nothing special at all. This is definitely a temporary solution to a permanent problem and I'm sure if I set the right protections in place that I could go back to LA eventually... but do I want to? Do I think it actually added value to me as a person, or just to my bank account?

I tap out of the cold and go inside, wrapping myself in a throw blanket and finishing my work for the day, not pressing send just yet. 

-

I bebop around the kitchen, making dinner as I settle my thoughts. It's still just an absolute vortex in my brain, even after a few hours of work, and I'm still not sure of what to do. Why did I offer in the first place? It's going to be rude if I rescind it. Now hours after I typed it, I just send the message before throwing my phone into the abyss of the couch so that I won't think about it.