Loneliness

Part 1

I breathe slowly and effortlessly, fists clenched angrily. Tears cascaded down my cheeks just as I turn around and walked away from you. You're like a beautiful dream to me but I know that I could never have you. My heart pounded against my ribcage, and I sniffed just as I turned right and hid beside one of the lockers.

I sat down in the corner hoping no one would notice me. I hate this, this feeling that I can't describe. I wept there in the corner like a child who lost her parents. I bit my lip out of habit and banged my head on the wall. The bell rang and within seconds, the hallway was crowded with students. The echoes of their voices, laughter haunt me as a couple of girls giggled as they past through me. No one noticed me, just as I hope. To them, I'm invisible and I will always be. I gathered all my confidence and I stood up, getting lost in the crowd. I wipe my tears and walk with my head down.

Then, I bumped into someone. Ow, I mumbled softly but didn't dare to look up. I was now on the floor; how could I be so reckless I thought. For the first time in my life, a hand reached out to me. A human soul apologised and bent down to see if I was okay or not. He helped me up back on my feet and just as I looked at him in the eyes, I see this beautiful angel inside a human's body. I breathe through my mouth and I stuttered trying to find the right words. My heart were racing so fast that I was afraid he could hear it. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I didn't see you," he asked apologetically.

"I'm fine. It's okay, no one ever does," I whispered softly hoping he wouldn't hear me. I caught a glimpse of his beautiful smile and shut my eyes. I knew this was going to cause trouble. He was still holding my arms and as much as I want him to hold it, I let go of his grip abruptly and smiled weakly. "I'm fine, I'm sorry I ran into you," I said looking away. His lips were slightly parted that made my heart thaw and butterflies flutter inside my stomach. He reached out his hand for me to shook,

"I'm Freddie. And you are?" My heart was beating faster now than ever and I licked my lips. I started running away from him, leaving his hand hanging in the air. I knew that this was stupid of me to do so but I didn't have a choice. By now, the school hallway was empty and quite. Only the sound of my footsteps echoed in the hollow hallway. After so much running, I took a moment to breathe. I went to my locker, took my bag and headed home.

Life in high-school is like hell to me. I have no friends, people barely know I exist and the worst thing is, I ran from the boy that I have been crushing on. As soon as I get home, I checked the kitchen to see if Annie was home. Annie, my beautiful and kind step mom. Her and my dad, Bob were the only one that I love in my life. She wasn't there so I figured she was out shopping for some groceries. I turn up the TV and mindlessly watch the boring programme that was showing. I sighed deeply and imagine all the things that I wish would happen; partying with the cool people, having friends, having someone to talk to, having a boyfriend.

But of course, all the things I imagined never really happened. It doesn't happen at all actually. I thought about what happened at school today, after I saw you with your arms around her and then I bumped into you and you offered for me to shook your hand but I ran. Oh God, I'm so stupid sometimes. But I knew running away was the answer to everything in my life, it always has been. Since this was my senior year, I decided to make an effort in my life and put aside all the negative thoughts and change. I got up my ass away from the couch and ran upstairs to my room and browse through my closet.

I wasn't rich, of course because if I was, I would be popular and people would pretend to like me. At least, they would notice me. I tried each and every clothes I have in my closet and twirl around like a model in front of the mirror. I even did the catwalk and pretended that my room was a big stage and everyone was looking up at me; applauding me. Everything went great in my head, and I rummage through my CD racks and put on a song and danced to it. My next door neighbour moved out a couple of months ago and I heard the next resident won't be moving in until next week so I wasn't worried about getting myself into an embarrassment.

Just as I was fantasizing and bust my move to the beat, I saw a boy from the next door window grinning widely at me. Holy shit, I mouthed. It's Freddie. He raised his eyebrow and gave me his lopsided smile. I quickly shut my curtains and turned off the music. I sighed heavily and sat down on the floor between my studying desk and the curtains. I tapped my head repeatedly, "God Jenny! You're so stupid!" I told myself and sobbed through my white dress with laces on the shoulders. I changed back into my worn out skinny jeans and purple hoodie and ran downstairs. I decided to go to the park, get some fresh air and clear my mind.

I took the house key just in case Annie wasn't back and I stepped outside the front porch when someone tapped me on my shoulder which made me jumped and in my ninja-mode.

"Woah ninja, or should I say dancing queen?" Freddie smirked. It was actually him. He was actually talking to me and I wasn't dreaming. This was really happening. I felt like running back in again when I realised I had locked it. My mouth went dry and my heart beat fast. I tried to smile but I really just felt like fainting.

"H-hi," I managed to stutter. Again, he did that eyebrow thing and a smirk which made me almost collapsed.

"I'm Freddie, and I'm your new next door neighbour," he offered his hand, again. I looked to my side and I was ready to run. Just as I took a step, he took my hand and started shaking it. "Don't even think about running away! When people offer you their hand, you shake it." He joked and let go of my hand still smiling warmly at me.

"N-next door neighbour?" I gulped. This made me happy but at the same time I had a feeling that this might cause trouble. He nodded and asked me,

"Your name?"

"Oh um, Jenny. My name's Jenny." I tried to control my mixed emotions and spoke in a steady voice.

"Jenny. That's a nice name Jenny. Why did you ran from me earlier at school today?"

This was not real I thought. First he said he is my new next door neighbour, second, he shook my hand, third, he COMPLIMENTED me. Just as I thought he may be my first friend, a brunette from behind ran towards him and started kissing his face. I was jealous and disgusted at the same time as they were sucking on each other's face. She giggled when he grabbed her ass. And the worst thing was, they were doing it on my front porch. I walked past them, peaked behind me and walked again. I won't ever have friends.