My name is Jamie Allen. I am a 34 years old painter. As far as I can remember, I've always been a cheerful girl. A typical teenager following the footsteps of a photographer father and a florist mother. I've been living in Green Hill my whole life, tracing the paths of painters like Van Gogh and Monet. I found success - I'm not being boastful. I traveled around the world and that's when I met him. My actual fiancé. Everything was great. We were in love, so madly in love. We had this unqualified bonds. It was pure magic. But as we know, magic never lasts forever and one day, it came to an end.
Just a few years ago, I had a stable job, a loving fiancé, a reason to live. And now, well a few months back I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer. 2B, using my doctor's words. Today, everything I was and everything I have became is slowly fading away. My memories are fading away and that unexpected event is clouding my consciousness. Perhaps it's because I'm only focusing on my current pain, but am I really to blame? I am lost in a new world that isn't mine: the world of despair, then apathy and finally nought.
I forget why I get up in the morning and what gives me the strength to get through the day. I forget those who loved me, who love me and who will always love me whatever will happen to me. Yes, I know. I am perfectly aware that this isn't exactly the right way to cope with my situation, but it's the only one I can actually bear. Part of me would like to blame my fiancé. He convinced me to reconsider my breast health. It was him who wanted me to see a doctor again. I might have preferred to live within beautiful lies than to be struck by this sad reality.
At the same time, another part of me knows that he has nothing to do with all this chaos. It's not his fault. No one asks for cancer. Perhaps this neutral opinion of mine makes me decide to turn my back on everyone. It's easier to ignore everything than to bear the burden of others's pity. Am I feeling too sorry for myself? Is this a self defense mechanism? Maybe. I don't know anymore. What I do know is that I am weaker today than I was yesterday. I have done my research. Chemotherapy doesn't only target cancer cells; it affects all our cells, even the normal ones. I'm not even a quarter of the way to recovery. And I don't even know if I'll make it through the cure...
I am so tired. So tired that I don't even know how I manage to teach my students, work in a coffee shop, and come here to share my thoughts with you every Wednesday night. But before I tell you further about my story, maybe we should start from the beginning.
YOU ARE READING
See You Again
ChickLitIt's an excerpt from Victor Hugo's "Les Misérables". He says: "The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have loo...
