James Marriott x WillNE

Rewind it

Will's POV

—1 week later—

Here's the problem with having feelings for the man you make videos with; everyone. Fucking. Knows. See, we originally wanted to keep things private and make it less obvious, but James is so touchy and flamboyant with it all that half of my comments have caught on. Sure, we haven't made a public statement, but the edits are going crazy enough to make it seem like we've confirmed it all. It's absolute shambles.

I feel bad to say it, but I haven't been inclined to reach out to Jim recently. Maybe it's stupid, but a part of me has started to kind of resent him for making it so obvious. I'm trying to work through my emotions like an adult, but it's fucking difficult.

James: Hey man, just checking up. You've been kinda awol lately.
Will: Yeah, sorry.
James: Okay.

I feel like a knobhead, and I actually think for once I am being one. James can't help it. As someone who has had the emotions buried for years it seems, it's only normal that he be a bit excited about it.

Will: Can you come over for a chat?
James: Ooookay? Is everything okay?
Will: Just come over you silly moron.
James: 👍

When he comes over, we sit in silence on the sofa for a few minutes. We haven't so much as kissed yet, and even though i've been wanting to, the last 7 days have been rocky in terms of emotions, so i've been kind of preoccupied.

"Right, so.. I didn't want to alarm you-"

"It was a bit late for that as soon as you sent the text Will." He's hostile, and it throws me off balance a little.

"Look I just wanted to talk, if you're gonna be a dick we don't have to." James' face blanches and all he can do is scoff at me.

"I'm being the dick? Talk about 20 missed called, 16 unread messages, dry replies." James lists off and points to each finger as he does as though counting each option. I nod, understanding that i've been an idiot, but his attitude is riling me up a bit.

"Look. I know. Thats why we're talking, okay? So can you shut up and let me speak!?" I bite out, and immediately regret the tone I use when I see James falter a little. I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh, sucking in deep breaths. "I'm not.. I haven't been gay, or bi, or any of it before. I've never fancied a man, never wanted to kiss a man, and these feelings are new." James nods along as though he's listening intently, which i'm sure he is. "I feel like you're.. making it too obvious." James recoils at that statement, and I can see the defense already forming.

"No, it's just that-"

"James. Please." I say quietly and wait for him to settle down. "I just feel like you have convinced the audience that we're dating."

James takes a moment to consider this. "And are we not?"

Now, this is the part where I was supposed to say something reassuring. And in that moment I truly wanted to say yes, but for some reason my brain stopped functioning and I just sat in silence. We sat in silence. That is until the only noise that came was James leaving my flat, and my hand slapping against my face as I try not to cry.