I'll Be Seeing You

2. Escape Plan

I grew up in a broken home. My dad walked out before I was born, and by the time I was a year old my mom had already moved on and got married. My stepdad took me in as his own and life was great those first couple of years. But as I got a little older, things really started to go downhill. Mom and dad were always yelling and fighting and eventually it became physical. For years I would hide in my room and try to drown out the noise. But the more I ran from it, the louder it got.

By the time I was in my teens, I had become the newest target. When mom wasn't around, dad took his anger out on me. I often went to school in long sleeves to cover the bruises. I promised myself I would never allow myself to be in that situation again. That one day I would find a man who loved me and would never dream of laying a hand on me. A man who wouldn't raise his voice and would talk things out before a verbal fight broke out or things got physical.

But as I lay here in this bed, I can't help but wonder where it all went wrong. Why I didn't run the first time Chris showed his violent side. The first time he raised his voice, or the first time he put a hole in the wall. It's like I was on this mission to somehow fix him. I knew there was a better man in there somewhere, and I was ready to do anything to find him. But the truth is, I had barely known Chris when we got together, and I dropped everything to move in and start a life with him. I knew the version of him that he wanted me to see, and it turns out that was all an act. That man never existed.

Chris never came back last night, so I brought Lilly over to Jacksons with me and we cuddled and watched movies until she fell asleep. She never asked where her dad was, which gave me the impression that she was used to him disappearing like this. My heart hurt for her. In so many ways she had such an amazing life. She had everything she could want and need. She wanted it, and Chris bought it. It was all about material things with him. Chris thought that buying one's love and affection was enough. And for Lilly being so young, she didn't know any better. Her daddy was the light of her life. She didn't see what everyone else saw. Or at leasr, what I saw.

That was another problem. His family didn't see things the way I saw them. He had been this way for so long that it was normal to them. They didn't see that he had a drinking problem or that he was abusive. Jackson did to an extent. But for the most part, they were used to it. I had tried several times to talk to his mom about his behavior and she just brushed it off. When I would make comments about leaving, his mom and sisters would push for me to stay, saying how much he loved me and how one day I would be his wife. In reality, they were no better than him. They condoned his behavior.

Jackson made breakfast for Lilly and I that morning and we hung around the house waiting to see if Chris would come pick Lilly up to take her back to her mom. We never heard from him and there was only an hour left until she had to be home, so I gathered up her things and borrowed Jackson's car to take her back to her mom. When I pulled in the McDonalds parking Lot, Lisa didn't look the least bit surprised to see me instead of Chris. This wouldn't be the first time I had to pick her up or drop her off without him.

"What's wrong?" she asked as we got out of the car.

"Is it that obvious?" I replied.

"Lilly, why don't you go inside and play for a few minutes while me and Alyssa talk."

"Sure mommy, I love you Lyssa!"

"I love you too baby girl."

"So, what's going on?" Lisa asked.

"I don't even know where to begin." I said as I sat down on the curb.

"What did he do?"

"What hasn't he done? He's not who I thought he was Lisa. He didn't see Lilly at all this weekend. Didn't come around once. He went to some party, slept with some woman and then went out and got high on meth and did God only knows what with some other woman."