Pieces Of Perfection

Chapter 5

We saw sunsets together in every single city possible. Travelled to every country possible either for work or for vacation. While he spoke in different languages and I never understood a single word of it, I used to be there listening ideally or asking Shawn to take pictures of me. We woke up every morning and had breakfast together. I often worked from home or worked while travelling with him. The most important part was that he never introduced me as his girlfriend to anyone, and I was not even sure if we were in a relationship yet. He introduced me with my name. And he never liked me introducing him to anyone either.

For months, we went by, like that. In a blink of an eye, we did everything, and I ignored what I needed, a clarity in any relation. He used to say I was his, but he did not say it loud in front of people. I often felt like I was settling for less and only sex. I was exhausted with the feeling of not being able to say it loud and feeling like I meant nothing to him, like nothing at all. As much as I loved having sex with him, I often felt like we were around each other only because of work and great sex. I was distancing myself from him for past three days because that is what I do, and that is what I am good at.

I was sleeping on my couch when he entered my house. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said , "Why the hell are you not picking up my calls or answering me?"

"I am tired, and I don't need to report to you." I replied

"Tired of what? And what is this attitude about?" He questioned

"Everything! You and I. Everything that we are. I'm sick of it." I replied

He slightly raised his voice and said, "You are mine, so what is there to think about?"

"You don't understand!" I shouted at him

"What don't I understand?" He shouted back at me in a louder tone.

"Whatever this is, going between us, I'm tired. I'm sick of it. I am tired of it. Let's call it quits." I shouted back

"So, you just want to quit? For what? What did I do?" He asked

"Nothing. The problem is that I always want something I can't have. I am not able to resist things I should resist. Then I grow tired of it. You and I, we keep running in circles. For months, I tried to stay, but I grew tired of it. And the problem is, I'm yours, but you are never mine. I want someone who wants to be mine and not just make me theirs." I replied.

"And what about the times you kept your distance from me?" He questioned

I replied, "I can't justify anything, but I tried my best. You don't try to be mine." I paused and continued, "You don't tell me what are we? We keep having sex, travelling, and doing everything together, but we have not even labeled the relation we have. If we are just hooking up, let's stop it."

"Wow! So this is what you think of me. I am not that cheap. I never played with you. But if you think you are better alone, with all due respect, live your life, and I will give you the space you need." He replied and left the house.

I was hurt, and maybe the drama was avoidable, but was it too wrong to ask for clarification in any relation? I did not want to be just another girl he banged and played with. I wanted him to fight with me and stay with me. All he had to tell me was "I'm yours Eve" and I would willingly put my life on stake for him. All he had to do was kiss me and tell me to be his. But sometimes people don't want to stay and sometimes people can't say it loud. I understand.

I started going back to my work, and he suddenly disappeared from my life. He did not call me or come near me. Months passed by, and I thought about Beau more than I ever missed my ex. I would not call it love at first sight, but we often meet people who leave us feeling loved and give us memories that are worth missing. I felt like he was just another chapter of my life.