stay down.

10

dante sekai jones

it had been going on a week since i seen or heard from marie. i was genuinely bugging the fuck out.

i was tweaking on anyone around me for whatever reason. i was pushing everyone away. i was hurting , i was trembling.

no female in my LIFE has ever had this much power over me. to make me lose it in their absence. i felt controlled. obsessed.

"dee" ken said walking up to the steps , where i was sitting. in front of the trap.

i just continued to stare forward, smoking my blunt

"i heard from marie" , she added on

i looked up at her , "well what did you hear?" i said scrunching my face up at her

"relax boy. she wants us to come over. just the two of us." , she said

i immediately got up and grabbed my keys , ken followed me into my car

she put the address on my gps and i sped all the way there. as we pulled up i seen it was a hotel. a hotel? what is marie doing staying here

ken led me to the room and i walked in behind her , it was a big and spacious room. mad nice , marie got money so.

there she was. sitting on the couch in a spaghetti-strapped tank top with boxers. with her hair in a messy ponytail. i got bricked up just looking at her. not just physically but emotionally

she looked at the both of us and she looked emotionally drained. her eyes were tearing up and it looked as if she'd been crying for days.

the only woman besides my mom, that i loved. did i do this to her? am i hurting her? is this my fault.. i felt pure guilt

"baby what's wrong?" ken said walking up to her giving her a hug

i sat on the other side of marie , putting her in the middle

i shot back on the couch, looking at her , analyzing her

everyone sat back on the couch. ken and i awaited for marie to speak to us.

"ken, i have a baby on the way." she started off saying

ken gasped and covered her mouth in excitement

"i've been nothing but sick every morning , crying thinking about my future and my family. i've been depressed. and detached from reality", marie expressed

ken's smile faded immediately , "depressed? why?" ken asked her

"i went to see my mom the other day. she doesn't care for me. i cried looking at my sister as i walked out the door, leaving her again. with that monster. she's the first person who hurt me so much. she was my first heartbreak" , marie expressed

"she brought me up round men and drugs, now that's what i attract. when i was younger .. she had a boyfriend. a junky. he did nothing but stink up the house and eat all the food. my mom was passed out on drugs one night when he came in my room and molested me." she added on

i immediately shot up , sitting up on the couch furiously. in rage. anger immediately rose in me knowing somebody hurt her. as a child.

"what the fuck? who?" i said angrily. ken just looked at me and i sighed then sat back, this wasn't the time.

"i was never the same after that day. i felt like something was taken from me. something that i'll never be able to give away. my virginity was important , something i cherished as a teen. but i was okay with the fact that it was me, and not my sister." she said wiping a tear off her face

"you guys are all i have i just wanna make shit right" , she began to cry

ken and i hugged her tight

in this moment. i just wished peace over her. i love her so much , knowing that somebody hurt her so young upset me. but what also upset me is that i was hurting her also.

marie told us she was gonna take another night to herself and that she'd call us tomorrow. before leaving i gave her a tight hug. i wrapped my arms around her waist and held her like i was never gonna see her again. i gave her a kiss on her cheek and watched her as she closed the hotel room door.
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                     marie london carter
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the next day i ended up texting dee & telling him to pick me up, so he could take me to his house where i'd be seeing ken, kj, bri & zy.

i missed my friends, i just needed time to breathe.

i threw my bags in the backseat, then hopped in the passenger's seat of dee's car.

"hey dee" i said with a small, fake smile

"if you don't want to have a baby you don't have to." , he said immediately

"what?" i said with a confused face , putting my seatbelt on

"if this feels like a burden don't have a baby. and you don't have to be with me. i don't wanna hurt you, i genuinely want what's best for you" he expressed, looking at me with worried eyes

"i feel as if i already have an emotional attachment to my unborn child. i made a promise to myself to protect my child at all costs and give her or him a life i never got to experience." i explained to him

"and i want to do it with you." , i added on.. a smile formed on his face

he pulled off and drove to his house

...

pulling up, he grabbed my bags out the backseat and opened my door. he took my hand and we walked to the front door. he unlocked it and as we walked in i couldn't help but to hear music.

i peeked around the corner and seen decorations all in the living room. balloons, cake, my friends.. my heart felt so full. and a smile made its way to my face. dee wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a kiss on my cheek, i just rubbed his face.

i made my way to everyone in the room, giving them hugs and taking in the feeling.

"thank you guys, yall didn't have too" i said wiping a tear off my right cheek

"don't be silly, we love you sis" zy said hugging me tight