[First Draft] Unresolved (New Chapters Daily)

Part Fourteen

If someone were to ask me why I do the things I do, I wouldn't have an answer that could fit into any neat little box. There's no justification, no grand reasoning that would make sense to anyone on the outside. Maybe I've always been this way. Maybe it's something dark, something ugly that's always been simmering under the surface, woven into the fabric of my being. I wouldn't call myself a serial killer by any means—that would be far too simple, too theatrical. Serial killers are glamorised in the media, turned into some kind of twisted anti-heroes that people obsess over. I can't pretend I haven't admired them—the sheer work that goes into hunting, cornering prey, and then carrying out the kill. The skill it takes to get away with it, to dismember someone's life in such a way that nobody sees it coming. The lies, the manipulation—it's an art form, perfected over years.

But I'm not like that. I'm not that brave, not that cold, and certainly not that calculated. I'm a coward.

Handing Cole that packet of "paracetamol" felt... logical, at the time. Like it made sense in the most warped way. He was the only one that knew about Robin and me. He was going to destroy us. I didn't do it for the thrill, or for some kind of perverse pleasure. I did it for love. That's the difference, right? I was protecting something precious. One day, Robin will come to understand that. Even if it's not today. Even if he never says it, I know he'll see it for what it was—a necessity. And I can wait. I'm very patient.

I'm not scared of getting caught, not really. There's always a risk. But what terrifies me—what keeps me awake at night—is the idea of having to start over. To lose everything I've built, to uproot my life again, to erase all that I am because of one mistake. But mostly, I'm afraid of losing him. He's the only thing that makes this all bearable, the only tether I have to the normalcy I crave. Without him, there's nothing.

I did this out of necessity. I did this because I had no other choice. It had to be done.

But then, Robin showed up. He was never supposed to. His presence shattered everything. He wasn't supposed to be part of the equation—he was supposed to stay locked up in that prison, a ghost from my past that could never touch the present. How was I supposed to know he'd get out?

And now, here we are, in this mess. If only he hadn't come back. If only he had stayed where he belonged, none of this would've happened. I wouldn't be standing here with blood on my hands, literally and figuratively. Cole would still be alive, and I wouldn't be sitting in the wreckage of everything I've tried so hard to hold together. But Robin came back, and the moment he did, everything started unraveling.

It's not my fault. It can't be.

It was for love. That's the truth. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to save me or at the very least, save our relationship.

I just need to give him enough time to calm down. That's all. If I have to play along with those cringy pancake dates at that stupid diner, smiling at the syrupy sweetness of it all, then so be it. I'll endure whatever it takes, because I need him to come back around. I need him to remember why he always comes back to me.

But deep down, I know I need to control my temper. That flare of rage that nearly unraveled everything back at the service station, even before the news broke, was my mistake. My own failure. The truth is, it wasn't even about Cole—it was about him. It always is. The only reason I lost it like that, why I felt that bitter knot in my stomach twisting tighter with every second, was because of how dismissive he had been. As if I were nothing more than background noise, something to tune out when he got too wrapped up in his own little world.

And that stung. It stung more than I care to admit, because everything I've ever done, everything I've ever sacrificed, has been for him. Past and present, I've twisted myself inside out trying to be exactly what he needs, trying to fill every crack and gap in his life. And yet, it still isn't enough.