Hidden In These Walls

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

 "It's bullshit, Lupin!" I growled as I stomped through the snow. I felt terrible for being so angry, but at the same time, I couldn't sit there and not be angry about it, "Why does it matter that we were doing it? We weren't being inappropriate!" I ranted on throwing my hands around, waving them like a madman. Lupin walked beside me, keeping quiet most of the time, with small, quiet comments to the side like "It's alright," and "I understand."

After a bit I sighed and stopped in my pace, realizing that Lupin too, was affected by this, "I'm sorry Lupin..." I muttered and shook my head, I felt like an absolute fool. As I gazed at the ground I saw his feet stop beside me. I couldn't bring myself to look up and meet his gaze.

"Oz, what happened back there was easily the hardest thing I've ever had to witness..." I heard his tone, he sounded quite upset. I gulped bracing myself for what he would do or say next. Maybe he would tell me that I was disgraceful. Maybe he would tell me he regretted dancing with me.

"I've never felt so thankful in my life," That grasped my gaze, and I shot my head up to Lupin, who didn't scowl. He was as he always was. Calm, peaceful, sweet. Even with all the times he treated me this way it never ceased to amaze me, "I don't understand..." I whispered.

"Ozwald, what you did tonight was not only brave, it was inspiring," Lupin took a step closer, "I guarantee you there is a queer child in there right now, who heard you stand up and will feel much safer at Hogwarts because of you. Or the Beauxbatons, or the Durmstrangs!" He raised his arms up in the air with enthusiasm and excitement. I felt my eyes began to sting.

"Ozwald Emerson, I'm proud to say I know you. To call you my friend is an honor!" His eyes sparkled in the dark of night. He had never looked so bright before.

"You... You consider me... your friend?" I felt my chest stutter in breath and heart. We had been in cahoots for a while now, talking quite a bit back and forth through correspondence, but never had we spoken of what we were. He lowered his arms and nodded, "Yes, I do Oz... I suppose I wasn't very clear about that?"

I shook my head with a small chortle. He joined me, "Well, I guess that makes me quite silly, huh?"

"We're both silly, Lupin," Here I was, a year and a half later, after I first met Lupin, friends with him. Someone I have admired and looked up to so much, someone who saw me for me, who chiseled down my walls. Professor Lupin from the beginning had wiggled his way into my life, and that was something that I never regretted letting him do. Even through the rough patches last year. It was all worth it.

"Remus..." He muttered. It took me by surprise, the now serious look that melded on his face, "Call me Remus."

I was dumbfounded once more, "Call you..."

"We are friends right?" A smile weaved back onto his face, his head tilted. I only nodded, "Then, please I implore you, call me Remus."

"Remus..." I tried to hide the grin that was softening onto my face, "Thank you, Remus..." So much had already happened tonight, from dancing for the first time in my life with my friend, to standing up for myself and for that same friend (standing up for others was never a problem for me, but for myself, it was different, something completely new), to finding out that Remus Lupin was actually my friend, and he was loud and proud to say so. Not even 'Moody' could ruin my night at this point.

We walked around aimlessly for hours, but it only felt like mere minutes. It was completely unfair! Time was working against me, conspiring behind my back, and as much as I wished to fight back, I couldn't do so when I was so distracted by mine and Remus' conversations. We spoke about interests and likes, reminiscing on stories we shared and stories neither knew about before.

We spoke about when we first met, and when Remus turned into a werewolf. How he had handled everything after that if Wolfsbane helped him. By the time we had realized it was too late, but we had been so wrapped up in our conversations that we had traveled to the door of my room.

"Ah..." I muttered remorsefully seeing the old oak door, "This is me..."

He nodded slowly, disappointment flashing in his eyes, "Is it? Oh..." He didn't seem too happy about this development either. I cleared my throat, "Um... It is... rather late..."

"Well, I will be staying until tomorrow morning, I can come and bid you goodbye before long," Remus shoved his hands in his pocket. I nodded, by Merlin I didn't want our conversations to end. It felt like I was finally catching up with an old comrade and now we would part for much longer.

"That sounds lovely, Remus..." It felt so odd still to say it, but then again, I couldn't say much on the matter myself...

"Well, then," Remus took a step closer to me, he towered over, "I will bid you goodnight..." I felt my heart jumped once more. I gulped and gazed up at him, "Goodnight, Remus..." Why won't I step away? Why won't he? There were a few minutes we just stared, and what broke it was Lupin taking a step back, bowing deeply. He turned and walked away briskly. Almost as briskly as my heart pumped with each step he retreated.

I came too and finally made my way into my room, quickly closing the door and slipping down onto the floor with a sigh. I giggled and covered my face, "What is wrong with me?" I shook my head. I had never acted so silly before. I felt like a shy boy once more, just like when I was a child. My thoughts were quickly diminished when I heard quick taps across the room and gentle panting. Padfoot sat in front of me panting happily, greeting me with a warm welcome.

"Oh, Padfoot! I wish you could have been there tonight!" I stood up and skipped over to my bed, wistfully sighing as I fell onto the soft mattress below, "Tonight was absolutely magical..."