LOVE IN THE DARK | MAX VERSTAPPEN

Part 25

I've had the worst nights sleep possible and I have probably seen every single hour. Sleeping in the spare bedroom is bringing back so many unnecessary memories for me. I used to stay in here when Max and I were younger and we were nothing more than just best friends who grew up together. Now I'm in here hiding away from the fact that I'm pregnant with our second child and Max knows nothing about it. I had to delay the flight because the hospital appointment took a lot longer than I expected it too. Hearing the consultant talk about it made it all seem far too real. I know I can't hide away from this for much longer but it still hasn't registered into my brain that this is really happening and I'm scared. I'm scared because I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do. When I was pregnant with Noah, I had my mum and I had Max when he was home, plus I was able to travel to some of the races with him. This time around we're not together anymore and I have Noah. Noah who relies on me for absolutely everything and I don't want to let him down. I know the risks I carry when pregnant because I experienced it with Noah. I was incredibly lucky because nothing major went wrong but this time due to a second pregnancy carrying higher risks, I've been told the baby could be born premature. However, the fact I'm young, healthy and my condition has been stable for the last three years holds me in good stead. This is just one of many possibilities of what could happen. Max was a nightmare when I was pregnant the first time and something tells me that this time around, he's going to be a hell of a lot worse. Hence why I haven't had the guts to tell him yet.

Noah woke up at 6 and he's been ready to go to the farm every since. There's only so many "Is it open now?" Questions one person can listen too and Max for some ungodly reason, has put me on a coffee ban. I'm running on zero caffeine and I'm starting to become delirious.
"Right Noah guess what? It's finally open so come on let's go." Get me out of here before I go insane. "Yay, come on Daddy I want to show you the cats I wanted to take home. Mama can you please carry me to the car? My legs are tired." I laugh as I go to bend down to pick him up, just as Max grabs hold of my hand. "No, stop don't pick him up. I'll carry him, Noah come here I'll carry you." What is wrong with him today? Jesus Christ. It's going to be a long day I can feel it.

Watching Noah drag Max around to all the animals is so heartwarming to see. He's so excited and it makes me so sad that we don't get to do these things more often. Noah and I do a lot together but it's very rare that we get to do things as a family. Max is as bad as Noah is, he's honestly like a big kid. He's in his element feeding the horses and he's been down the slide more times than Noah has. Reliving the childhood that he got taken away from him. God I wish I could have done more for him but I was there when he needed me most and that's better than nothing. Watching how amazing Max is with Noah makes my heart swell and I don't think I could love him more for the amazing Dad that he has become. Noah idolises Max. Speaking of Noah, I'm pulled out of my thoughts by him trying to kidnap animals. This boy doesn't give up I swear.
"Which one am I allowed to take home?" Here we go again. "None baby, you're not allowed to take them home, they live here." Noah looks at Max like my answer isn't good enough. "We can take the horse home can't we Daddy?" Good idea actually. I wouldn't mind a horse. "Oh I like that idea Noah, we want a horse." Max shakes his head as he looks down at Noah before pointing at me. "No absolutely not, there's nowhere for us to keep it. I'll buy you a teddy version instead and you, stop encouraging our son to become a criminal. We're not stealing a horse." Noah laughs as he runs off towards the sheep. "That's not a fair compromise is it? A teddy version is shit compared to the real thing. You've got to save a horse, ride a cowboy as they say." Max smirks at me as he nudges me in the arm. "Oh I see, I can be the cowboy for you if you like? Yeehaw." I laugh as I grab a hold of his arm "I mean I'm sure I can find you a hat somewhere." Max bites his lip as rolls his eyes gently pushing me in front of him. "Don't tempt me." What's wrong with me? Jesus Christ. It's the hormones. That's what it is. It's got absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he looks ridiculously attractive right now. Control yourself this is how you ended up pregnant in the first place.

Izzy Verstappen

izzyverstappen: Celebrating our beautiful 4 year old 💙 Max wouldn't buy us a real horse so we had to settle for a teddy instead. Disappointed isn't the word. 🫣
@maxverstappen1

Liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, landonorris & 442 others

maxverstappen1: I'm sorry but where the hell am I meant to keep a horse?! 😂❤️
danielricciardo: Horsey McHorse would have loved Noah. You're being unfair mate it's his birthday! 😂
landonorris: Jesus Christ get my mate a horse. I'll buy him one! 🙌
maxverstappen1: @landonorris Don't you dare

Noah has had the best day and I wish we could stay like this forever. If we were able to just be at home together like this all the time, everything would be perfect and we'd finally be happy. However, the reality is that tomorrow morning we head back home to Belgium and Max goes back to racing in different countries around the world. We won't be a proper family until Max finally takes a step back from f1 and focuses on what's important but it's not my place to tell him that. He needs to realise that for himself.
Noah is lay in between us as Max hands me a glass of wine. I can't have coffee but he'll happily pass me wine. Amazing.
"Have you had a good day Noah?" Noah looks up at me and smiles "I've had the best birthday ever, I can't wait to show Nana my go kart. I'm going to drive it around the house." Yeah absolutely not. That scooter nearly finished her off, a go kart is going to send her into cardiac arrest. "I'm glad you've had a good day baby but the go kart is for the track, it's too big for anywhere else. I will take you when we're home." He smiles as he turns to Max. "Will you take me to the track too? Can I have a helmet like yours but with a cat instead of a lion?" He's so sweet it's unreal. "Of course you can mate, I'll sort it for you leave it with me. You not drinking your wine Iz? It's the one you like." Max stares at me as I look down at Noah who's currently rubbing his eyes. "I'll have it after I've put this one to bed. Come on Noah say night to Daddy we have a busy day tomorrow." Noah wraps his arms around Max's neck as he says goodnight before following me into his bedroom. I pick him up and tuck him into bed, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "Night baby, I love you to the moon." He yawns as he whispers to me. "Night mama I love you to the stars. Thank you for getting me what I asked for, I will look after it I promise." I smile as I close his door. He didn't ask for a go kart so I'm not sure what he means but he's happy and thankful for something so that's all that matters.

I head back into the living room to find Max stood in the kitchen pouring my wine down the sink and I guess that's my cue to head to bed.
"Noah's pretty much asleep already so I'm going to go to bed, we have to be up early in the morning and I didn't get much sleep last night myself. Night Max." He looks up at me with a strange look on his face.
"Okay no worries, just one thing before you go. When I put Noah to bed last night he told me he had a secret. He said when he was asleep, he heard you tell your mum that you have a baby in your tummy." Oh my god. He wasn't asleep. He was pretending to be asleep so he could listen in on our conversation. Jesus Christ. "Oh right, like he said he was asleep so it was probably a part of his dream." He slowly nods his head as he takes a box out of the drawer and places it onto the table before sliding it towards me. "You wouldn't mind taking that pregnancy test for me then would you? You know just for peace of mind." I stare at Max as he just continues to stare right back at me. I nod my head taking the box and heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Holy shit, what the fuck have I done? Lied. That's what I've done. Fuck my life.