LOVE IN THE DARK | MAX VERSTAPPEN

Part 26

                               Max POV 
I shouldn't have pressured Izzy into taking a pregnancy test, I just panicked. Ever since what Noah said, I haven't been able to get it off my mind and I'm scared. I'm scared because Izzy didn't have the best pregnancy when we had Noah. There were times where I was petrified that I was going to lose them both and I'm forever grateful that I didn't. We were incredibly lucky that we only had one or two hiccups along the way. If Izzy is pregnant, I just know that this time around it's going to be so much harder. This time we have Noah to think about as well as everything else and I'm not even around enough to support her as it is. We don't even live in the same country, let alone the same fucking house. Izzy was able to attend most of my races when she was pregnant with Noah, so I was able to keep an eye on her and support her if she needed me. This time, we can't do that. We can't drag Noah around to all these different countries. It isn't fair and honesty the more I think about it, the more anxious and out of control I feel. I hate not being in control of situations. Some things like the car being shit during a race weekend, I can deal with that. Yes it's shit but it's not down to me to fix it. My family is my responsibility, it's my job to be there and to fix things when they go wrong and I haven't done that. I've let my family down massively. Having another baby right now is not ideal but it's my baby and it's my job and my responsibility to step up and make this work.

Izzy has been locked in the bathroom for the last 15 minutes and the longer she takes the more I start to panic. I stand outside the door and all I hear is silence and my heart drops.
"Izzy you good in there? If you don't want to do it then don't do it. I'm sorry I asked you, come out we can forget all about it. I just panicked and I'm sorry. Iz? Can I come in? Please?" I stand and wait for a few seconds praying that she answers me, if she doesn't answer soon I'm going to have to kick the door down.
"Yeah sorry you can come in." I breathe a sigh of relief as I open the door to find her sitting against the wall with the test in her hand. I bend down in front of her, holding out my hand so I can pull her up to stand, as she does she hands the test to me. I don't even look at it, instead I put it on the side and just wrap my arms around her pulling her in close to me. Something I should have done a long time ago.
"I'm so sorry Izzy, I'm sorry for everything. No matter what that test says I'm here and it's all going to be okay I promise you." She doesn't say anything she just sobs onto my shoulder and my heart breaks. We stay like this for a few minutes until I pull away and hold her face in my hands gently wiping her tears away. I fucking hate seeing her like this. This shouldn't even be happening. All I ever wanted was to make her happy and I haven't even been able to do that one little thing. How fucking useless am I?
"I'm sorry Max, I'm just tired and I'm scared." I nod my head as I take her hand and lead her into the living room.
"Sit down baby, what are you scared about?" I know what's she's scared of but I want her to tell me. I want her to be able to trust me enough to let me in. "Noah's right, I am pregnant. I'm really sorry I don't know how it happened, well I do, I mean we had sex but I mean I don't know how I ended up getting pregnant. I'm on the pill, I didn't mean for this to happen. I haven't done it on purpose honestly." Fucking hell.
"Hey, don't ever think like that. Honestly, I don't give a fuck how it happened, it happened. You're pregnant and we both contributed to that. No one is laying any blame anywhere. I know it's not come at the best time but this is our baby and we will be okay. I promise you." She nods her head as she wipes the tears from her eyes.
"What the hell are we going to do? I don't think I can do this alone Max. I know I have my mum but I've got countless hospital appointments and I have Noah. I just, I can't cope with all this on my own." There's literally only one thing that would make this work and that is me being at home 24/7. I can't finish my contract mid season but I can end it at the end of the year. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I will find a way, trust me.
"You're not alone, I'm here.  I know I'll be racing but we have a fair few breaks coming up so I'll be at home. I'll tell Christian I can't attend any events during the breaks. I need to focus on all three of you. Please believe me when I say this, I will do everything I possibly can to make this work. Have you seen your consultant yet?" This is my biggest fear, finding out what we might have to potentially prepare ourselves for.
"Thank you Max being here and being understanding, I should have told you sooner and I'm sorry that I didn't but yeah I saw him yesterday that's why we had to delay the flight." I wrap my arm around her shoulder as she lies her head onto my chest. "Don't thank me, it's not needed. I'm doing the basic thing that I should have done a long time ago. What did he say?" I'm not sure I even want to know the answer. "It's just the same as when I had Noah, regular check ups, no stress and lots of rest. It's just there's a high chance the baby might be born premature. Which I knew anyway, they said the same with Noah just this carries a higher risk. It'll be fine. I'll be fine. We'll all be fine." Fuck me man, we can never seem to catch a fucking break. "When's your next appointment? I want to come with you, I need to ask some questions. I want to make sure we're doing all the right things. I need to know if there's more than I can do to help you with this. I feel like I've contributed to the best part and then I'm doing literally fuck all." Izzy laughs as she looks up at me. God I've missed that laugh. "But that's what you did when I had Noah, unless you can carry this baby there's nothing you can do apart from look after me." I kiss the top of her head as I rest my head on top of hers. "Well that's one thing  that I can certainly do but Iz, where are we going to live? I can't support you the way I need too if you're not living with me." She sits up as she rubs her hands on her legs.
"I need to be near my mum, she helps me an awful lot with Noah, I know you want to live in Monaco but I can't move back here." I guess I'm moving to Belgium then. To be honest, I really don't give a fuck where I live as long as I'm with my family that's all that matters to me.

Lots of shit has happened to us over the last couple of months and it's been fucking awful for us all. It's something that I never want to experience again. I didn't think Izzy being pregnant with our second child would be something that would happen so soon. Especially not right now after everything that we have been through. I guess some things are just meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. I know the main thing I need to do is rebuild my relationship with Izzy. We've been through far too much to just think we can go back to the way we were. That's why I've decided we actually do need marriage counselling. I haven't voiced this to Izzy yet but I'm sure she will agree with me. We need help, we need help to get back to the way we were. I would kill to have my wife back and have the relationship that we once had. I really fucking miss her. She is the love of my life, she always has been and always will be. She is the only woman for me. I will speak with Christian and make sure that he's aware that no matter what, my family will always come before racing. He is aware of that and he has supported me in the past but whether he supports my decision about retiring at the end of the season is another matter. Either way I'm leaving, I'm doing the one thing I should have done a long fucking time ago. I'm going to be with my family.

Hopefully Max is redeeming himself a bit 🤏🏻. Finally opened his eyes and saw the light 💡