How to be Loved by Engineer Ibanez (On-going)

Chapter 3

"I'm sorry about last night." Ireña said while hugging me. Kakagising  ko lang and it's around 7AM na. I think, do'n na lang siya natulog kagabi sa kabilang room since nakalimutan kong nai-lock ko 'yong pinto at ngayon lang binuksan.

I hugged her back. "Alam mo ba? Natatakot akong makipagsagutan kagabi kay Paulo, kasi naman, feeling ko, he wanted to win me back by defending himself. Of course, I tried to avoid the conversation as soon as I can kasi ayoko namang maging ambisyusa. Mamaya, aasa pa ako. Pero, hindi naman ako galit sa'yo. I just want to ask kung may alam ka ba na hindi ko alam?" I asked her.

"I know everything M but I don't have the right to tell it with you. I want you to keep in mind that we're not gonna stay here for 1 month kasi gusto ni Paulo na malaman 'yong totoo, we're staying here because we wanted to discover and explore Pangasinan." she caressed my hair. "...and thats the truth." she whispered.

Pangasinan is not on my bucket list, although it was before. I wanted to go on their falls or any resorts to enjoy sunbathing pero parang ayoko na no'n.

"Do you know what I said myself last night while facing this four wall?" I smiled at her. "That you're just guilty kasi pinakilala mo siya sa'kin but I tell you Ireña, you shouldn't."

I can see in her eyes na nagui-guilty talaga siya pero hindi ko naman siya sinisisi since half of me was also thankful for letting me experience how to be loved. Devastated lang siguro ako sa part na, maybe she had an idea about Paulo's dark secrets before since pwede ring i-kwento ni Vincent 'yon sa kaniya but they both keep their mouths shut.

"Alam ko naman na hindi mo ako sinisisi pero kasi may gusto lang akong malaman mo, personally that's why Vincent and I decided to let you come with me here. In fact, matagal na naming pinag-ipunan 'to ni Vincent and if I'm gonna tell you the reasons now, para ko na ring hindi nirespeto si Paulo atsaka ikaw."

Gusto ko sana siyang tanungin kung totoo nga 'yong nalaman ko noon pero hindi ko na lang tinuloy. Alam kung concerned siya sa'kin pero siguro nananaig pa rin sa kanila 'yong salitang h'wag mangialam kasi if they wanted to, they would ...noon palang.

"It's okay. " I smiled. "Is he planning to have some closure with me? I think, he is." deretso kung sabi.

I also tried my best to have some closure with him, in fact, I unblocked him last year tapos I sent friend requests pero hindi niya inaccept within 24 hours so I cancelled it out.

She laughed. "He wanted to ask you the whole truth so maybe he was also planning to ask for forgiveness, closure and to clear his name."

"You know me naman, mabilis akong magpatawad pero hindi ako madaling makalimot. Malay mo, I already forgiven him a long time ago. And besides, I gaslighted myself that he didn't do it because merong kami but it's because it's what he want."

"I hope you can give him some time to know the truth kasi kahit sa'kin, hindi mo sinabi kung ano ba talaga 'yong totoo." she signed. "I was also thinking, how did you end up to cut your communication with Paulo when you wanted to spend the rest of your days talking with him? You always look excited everytime na mag ri-ring 'yong messenger mo and then sa isang iglap you blocked him in all of your social media accounts. But then, I respect your decision, M. Don't you think it's time to talk about it? It's been two years. Hayaan mo na sanang magkaroon lahat ng kasagutan ang lahat ng mga katanungan na bumabagabag sa'yo during that time kasi we both know .... we both know na walang healing process until you will know his side."

"I've tried to communicate with him, before. I think, August last year pero hindi niya ako inaccept on Facebook so I cancelled it out." I told her.

"Y-You did? Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?" Halata pa rin sa mukha nito ang gulat.