DÉJÀ VU

9| Therapy✭

(Ngl this was....kinda hard to write..emotionally. Have a good read though.💕)

Kairo Kyzier Mullings|18

I sat beside Xanai in the cold waiting room, my chest heavy as I glanced at her. Her face was pale, and she looked so small, so different from the strong girl I grew up with. The trauma had taken a toll, and I felt it too. As her best friend, I couldn't shake the feeling that I should have been able to protect her from all this. But none of us had expected anything like this to happen. Now, all I could do was stay right beside her.

My voice was soft when I spoke, trying to make it clear that I wasn't going anywhere. "I know this is a lot, mama," I said, my words tender but serious. "But if we want to move forward, I feel like we have to try this."

She looked up at me, her eyes distant, almost like she wasn't really here at all. "I don't know if this can fix anything, Kairo," she whispered, barely audible, her voice full of fear and doubt.

I reached for her hand, holding it gently but firmly, wanting her to know that I was here for the long run. "I'm right here with you, Xanai. All I want is to help you find peace, to help you feel safe again."

My heart wrenched seeing her like this. My best friend—the one I'd laughed with, grown up with, and supported through everything—was now the one who needed me the most.

The door opened, and the therapist stepped out, a woman about my mother's age with warm brown skin and natural, graying curls. "Good to meet you both, Kairo and Xanai. My name is Dr. Simms," she said, extending her hand. I shook it firmly, respectful, while Xanai only nodded slightly and followed me into the office, her mind somewhere far away.

The room was small but warm, with soft chairs and dim, comforting lighting. Dr. Simms took a seat, making herself comfortable, then looked at us both.

"The fact that you're here means you're ready to start the healing journey," she began, her voice steady. "But it won't be easy. Healing can be painful, and it can bring up a lot of emotions, especially in the beginning."

I looked over at Xanai, her face a mixture of worry and fear. Dr. Simms turned her focus to Xanai, her gaze soft and reassuring.

"I don't want to push you, Xanai. I just want you to talk when you're ready. Today, we can just start slow."

Xanai looked down at her hands, almost as if she was ashamed to be here. "I...I feel broken," she finally said, her voice barely a whisper.

The words cut through me. I clenched my fists, fighting to keep my expression steady, but inside I felt the weight of her pain as if it were my own. For so long, she'd been my rock. Now, I needed to be hers.

"That's okay," Dr. Simms said, leaning forward. "Sometimes feeling broken is the first step toward healing. But I'd like to ask—who do you feel you can talk to? Who's here for you?"

Xanai glanced over at me, gratitude flickering briefly in her tired eyes. "Kairo's here," she murmured, her voice a little stronger. "He's always been."

I nodded, my voice low but steady. "I'll always be here ma." I whispered in her ear.

Her eyes filled with tears, and I could tell she was holding back so much that it hurt. I realized that this therapy journey was going to be intense, but I was committed. She was my best friend, the one person I couldn't give up on. If this could help her even a little, I'd be here for the whole journey.

Best friend???? Wow. You don't say. Wow.

Yuh know seh mi nah ansa yuh.

Dr. Simms nodded, sensing the weight of the bond between us. She looked at Xanai, her voice gentle. "It sounds like Kairo is someone who's been your anchor, even when everything else has felt chaotic. This space is here for both of you to work through this together, and Kairo, it's important for you too. Being a support system can be as demanding as going through the pain firsthand."

I hadn't thought of it that way, and the words hit hard. I'd been so focused on being strong for her that I didn't realize how much her pain weighed on me. But I'd carry it for as long as she needed.

Dr. Simms continued, "Xanai, why don't you start by sharing something small? It doesn't have to be big or even related to what happened—just anything you're comfortable with, anything you feel like expressing right now."

Xanai's eyes remained downcast, her fingers picking nervously at a loose thread on her sweater. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. After a few moments, she took a deep breath and began to speak, her voice small but gaining strength.

She took a shaky breath, her voice barely above a whisper. "When I was younger, my mother used to say I had a drive. She said that if I set my mind to something, I'd make it happen, no matter what. For the longest time, I wondered what she meant by that, and eventually... I figured it out." She paused, her face tightening as the words grew heavier. "But lately, it's like I've lost that drive completely. To be honest... sometimes, I feel like I don't want to be here anymore."

Her gaze dropped, and I felt my heart twist as she continued. "Someone almost took my virginity—someone I didn't, still don't, even know. He did things to me I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy." Her voice cracked as she clenched her thighs together and the raw pain in her words hung heavy in the room.

It was hard to keep my expression steady, but I didn't want to let my reaction make things harder for her.

Dr. Simms, noticing Xanai's tension, leaned forward, her voice warm and soothing. "Xanai, what happened to you is unimaginable, and the feelings you're experiencing are completely valid. You don't have to carry this pain alone. Right now, you're not expected to be strong or 'driven' or anything else. Just being here, speaking your truth, is enough."

Xanai's eyes filled with tears, spilling over as she looked up, her gaze unfocused and haunted. "I just want to feel like myself again," she whispered. 

"But, it's like, I won't ever be able to."

I wanted to tell her how much I loved, cared for, and appreciated her, how I'd do anything to take her pain away, but I didn't want to overwhelm her. I just held her hand tighter, letting her know I was here, no matter what.

Dr. Simms leaned in, her gaze warm and steady. "Xanai, it's normal to feel like this pain has changed you in ways you can't undo. But healing doesn't mean going back to who you were—it's about finding a way forward, one that lets you feel whole again, even with everything you've been through."

Xanai looked at Dr. Simms, her eyes clouded with a mixture of hope and fear. "I don't know if I'll ever feel whole again," she admitted, her voice cracking. "But... maybe I can try."

The words hung in the air, tentative but filled with a kind of bravery I hadn't seen in her for a while. I felt a flicker of relief, like a small light breaking through the darkness.

Dr. Simms nodded, a gentle smile on her face. "One step at a time is all it takes. And remember, you're not alone in this, Xanai. You have Kairo, and you have your parents, and you have this space to work through whatever you need."

As we left Dr. Simms's office, I could feel the weight of her pain and the first glimmer of her resolve pressing down on both of us. But this time, she held my hand with a little more strength, and I knew that, no matter how long it took, I'd be by her side.

Mek a pussy cause nuh more tears fi come outta har yeye. Sky aguh rain blood.

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Yhh soo... basically a venting chapter for.... the characters ( and me)..

Mental health need a fix nowww or ma end up inna homes wid landale🤣🤣..

Anywaysss, vote⭐