The Animal Kingdom

African Buffaloes

Hi, I'm Yola, and I'm 316 days pregnant. African buffaloes are pregnant between 9 - 11 months. Ugh! What's Crazy Bobby saying this time around?

"You guys wouldn't believe what I just heard." Crazy-B said.

"You don't say," I respond sarcastically.

"I ain't crazy, I be spitting facts... You see humans, they have a complex mind, they ain't here, but they control us and use us for entertainment, they call it a 'bull fight'--"

Everybody knows Crazy-B be talking a whole herd of bull, so I ain't trying to listen to none of what he about to say.

Anyway, African buffaloes are mistaken for bison and cows but we have a very distinctive horn, kinda looks like an 80s bob wig, we have a weight of 2200lb, that's 1000kg; you can't carry that with those human hands. We live for about 20 - 30 years and Crazy Bobby is 36, I guess that's why he losing it.

We're social animals, with a herd of more than a thousand of us. You could call us gangsters because a herd of us is called a "gang," we have other collective names, but I don't care about those ones.

We commune with each other with low-pitched calls and some other grunts.

The grass! We are proud herbivores and we love to munch on those greens, but when the grasses are no more we eat from trees, and trust me, it's not easy bringing down those leaves, then we also eat shrubs. Ouch! This calf just kicked me.

Buffaloes rarely give birth to twins and I don't think cows, bison and the others see twins as something regular too, we mostly give birth to one calf each pregnancy; and about what Crazy-B said, if it's true, I don't advise humans to engage in bull fights, out of all the bull family, we're the most vicious, with terrible temperament, grumpiness and we're unpredictable; we could be walking real slow, but we're heading for an attack sissy. Forget our weight, we're fast enough to chase a person. We know humans are threats, so we're gonna charge at any jeep we see unlike Lions, charging with the intention of flipping it using our horns which will be powered by our body mass, that's why we're also called "black death," we care about protecting the herd and ourselves.

There's this thing humans do, judging based on body mass and that ain't just right, now we weigh about 1000kg, but we swim like aquatic animals, you didn't think so huh? and yet you don't see your chimpanzees swimming, so don't... Don't judge based off of what you see.

Female African Buffaloes give birth during the rainy season and we mate when the rainy season is over and it's rainy season and I'll be due in 14 days. The rainy season is also the migration period, so we have to move. Of course it makes sense that we migrate when it's pouring so most of us won't die out of dehydration. I'm getting a bit tired, my hooks are hurting and the journey is quite far, "Oh my goodness! I think my water just broke."

"Yola your water just broke." Trina said.

"I literally just said that out loud Trina," I replied.

"Well, what are you going to do?"

"Just give me some time to think."

"You don't have that--"

"Oh my, I know, can you give me some space?" I reacted sharply.

"Sheesh! I was only trying to help, no need to be mean."

"I see you've been on something, definitely ate what you shouldn't have, for fourth time."

"Whatever, bye!"

I scoff, while Trina continues with the herd. She's always on something, if you don't know what that means I ain't explaining no further. I head to thick bushes and push as hard as I can, after much pushing, "Finally," I exclaim shortly. I remove the amniotic sac and eat it immediately so we can't be tracked, predators have a good sense of smell. Calves don't take time to stand and open their eyes, they're born with their eyes open and take about 10 minutes to walk, but we don't have 10 minutes, I push my baby to move and while trying to guide its steps then I hear something, it's a lion, great!

"Wow, a female African Buffalo," he says out loud.

"One of the thickest herbivores, I wish you could see what I see, she's so beautiful with her recently birthed calf-- I can still see the coating all over it. She's nutritious and with that much meat I'll definitely be knocked out when I'm done eating; but she's a mother and would most definitely kill me with those predator piercing horns trying to save her and her calf's life."

"You know we can hear you right?" I said, giving a judgmental look on my face.

"Me?" The lion responded.

"Me?" I imitate him, "Yes, you! Weirdo." I really don't know what has been up with me, but I guess it's just everything pregnancy.

"I was talking to myself."

"Nah bro, even the birds can testify."

"You were pretty loud mehn." One of the birds that rested on me said.

"I think I might actually have a problem." The lion said.

"You think?" I said to him and then I say to my calf, "Come on baby, let's go."

"You got problems homie." My calf said to the lion.

"Damn, where did you learn that from?"

My calf and I leave to catch up with the rest of the "gang," and I feel like I'm about to pass out so I'm out, bye!