An Angel by Any Other Name

Chapter One: Us

I have no name. There is no true me, either, only a We. Us, as a collective. The seraphim sing praises, all day and night. Their lungs never tire. Us lives in a never ending veil of peace. There can be no lack of peace if there is no feeling. But is peace still peace without the risk of strife? Or is it a meaningless existence, devoid of purpose? These are questions I am unable to answer as part of Us. Such questions never come to mind. What is sight if all that is known is a blinding light? Sound, when all there is to be known is the angels' songs? A blind bird, forever trapped in a gilded cage, and reliant on its captor, the very one who breathed it into being.

I can feel the invisible thread that keeps me to Us, and Us to Him. I need not to call for Him, for He comes to guide me without words needing to be said. I have no want. No need. No dislike. No hatred. No fear. I know not what joy is, nor love. I know the warmth of Him. I know not the cold of His absence. There is a vague understanding.

Sometimes, there is a crackle. A snap. Someone breaks away from Us. And Us turns into Us and Them. We, and you. They are removed almost as quickly as they sever, and their absence is not mourned. For We know not of mourning, or of loss.

***

My eyes flickered open. The world was so terribly bright. I squeezed them shut, and my hands grasped at air, clutching onto nothingness against my will. It was just a reflex, one of the only ones I knew. My lips parted, and out from them came a scream. For the first time in my existence, I existed as a singularity. Around me were figures, unfamiliar and yet familiar all the same, built in His image that I could not ever perceive in His light. I was... cold. I had never been cold before. I could feel my awareness of my being and the feeling of Us slipping away, as if it was never there to begin with. My connection to Us was gone. Ceased. I was one of the Severed, the Unmourned Lost.

I was pushed forth, eyes locked on the solid material beneath me, and for the first time, I felt fear. I was scared the thing clad in white holding me's gloved hands might drop me, and it would be over as soon as it had begun. But I did not fall. I was soon placed in the hands of another. Dark brown eyes looked down at me, and lips curved upwards. I felt something. Everything was so terribly new, this was just another. But something about her warmth felt familiar. For a moment, I felt the imitation of being connected to Us once more as she nestled me against her bosom.

"She's perfect," Her voice rang through my ears like a sweet sugar I had yet to taste. A feeling of warmth and comfort, the knowledge that I was safe. I felt as though I belonged here with this strange singularity. I did not recognize her as part of Us, and yet I felt as though I had always been with her. My cries quieted at once, and my eyes shut. Darkness. I'd never seen such before. I felt frightened. Suddenly, I was aware that with each moment my chest rose, I decayed. Every moment was another advancement to the end of existence. This existence as a singularity had only just begun, and it was finite. I missed the comfort of Us. The unawareness. Was my existence finite then? My body decaying? Why had I been severed? I hadn't broken my horns to dismantle my halo. I hadn't fought for sight, or to be a singularity.

That familiar warmth enveloped me again. A large hand cradled my cheek, and at once, I was certain I would be okay. The knowledge of Us began to slip out of my grasp as I succumbed to the comfort of her.