Instantly I'm taken aback..I snatch up my keys , shades and run towards the door. The tears swelling up in my eyes makes my heart hurt, holding back all the emotion I can manage becomes painful, I can't get anything else out because my throat feels like I've swallowed a thousand rocks.. I went from feeling like I own the world to being lost in it..I look at everyone and tell them I need to think and that i'd think about calling them later when I got back.
Taking the long way home felt like hours, with each mile my heart shattered more and more. Sadness turning into anger, anger into rage, then depression. I park my car into the garage and go upstairs to shower. I know I know, you're probably thinking "XO how could you be upset when you did your own thing anyway?" Or "why does it matter when it's almost over?" But truth is I still have feelings I wouldn't do anything to harm her or her feelings in the way she did mines and no matter who I messed with in between then and now she was always first. That bitch was my first.
Turning on some music in the bathroom Bryson Tiller blast through the speakers. Getting into the shower I break down and cry. She's 3 months pregnant...I can't seem to gather words, just a bunch of noises and screams that come out unintelligibly. I sit and stand and sit and stand in the shower for what seems like over an hour. Finally turning the water off I wrap myself in a towel and drag myself to my room. Looking at the folded paper and pacifier in the little white box I throw it on the floor. Throwing on an old dance shirt and Nike pros I walk to Dayuni's side of the closet. I begin snatching all of her clothes and shoes and jewelry and her lies, out my closet, out of my life, away from me onto the floor. I'm confused and hurt. I feel so alone. Breaking down again i lean against the wall and cry my eyes out again. I haven't checked my phone in over 5 hours. Should I even?
18 missed calls 343 unread messages. Smh. I begin to go down the list of messages. Dayuni has text me 35 times since I walked out that door. Arianna text me 4 times and the rest of the group added me to their bullshit sympathy group message. Save it. Jasmine text me over an hour ago asking if her and Arianna could come over and stay with me to make sure I'm okay and talk things through. After giving it consideration I text her back.
Me: **I guess y'all can come over. 😔😒**
Jas: **be there in an hour! 😘**
Getting up I wash my face to cool down some and go down stairs to make a German chocolate cake with homemade ice cream. When I was little and my mom was upset about something she would make us this and watch movies to help her feel better..At least it wasn't drugs right..?
Sticking the ice cream back in the freezer after mixing it again I start to put the icing on the cake and grab desert plates and forks. As I'm finishing up I heard my phone go off and the door bell ring. Wiping my hands off on a kitchen towel I walk to the door and look through the peep hole. I can never be too sure these days.
In walks jasmine, Arianna and Aryn? Now I'm confused. I've never brought Aryn to my house so she's gazing up and around at everything like a kid in a candy store. Telling them to have a seat in the dining room I go to the kitchen to grab everything. In the middle of doing so jasmine yells for me to grab 2 more plates. I turn to look at her and she automatically picks up her phone. Seconds later I get a message.
Jas: **i'll explain I promise🙇🏽**
Shaking my head I grab 2 more plates, the ice cream and cake then sit at the head of the table. After everyone cut a chunk of cake and scooped some ice cream, I began choking again. Not on food but thoughts. Arianna being able to sense me getting lost in my thoughts she sparks up a conversation with everyone until i could gain my composure again. "So, I saw a cute romper down at Pac Sun the other day. My butt was too big for the back though so I didn't get it haha!" Aryn starts laughing and then looks at the back of her chair, "Girl TELL me about! I know exactly how you feel boo." Jasmine pitching in while still chewing, " I wish I had that problem y'all I'm the complete opposite its so sad!" Everyone bursts into laughter and I'm quietly listening. Aryn looks at me and compliments the decorations in my house. I thank her and continue with another piece of cake. After about 30 minutes of this and engaging in small talk. I hear a knock on the door. I get a sick feeling in my stomach because the Only person that knocks on the door is Dayuni. I tell jasmine to go answer it and throw my spoon back onto my plate. She walks in as beautiful as ever. Dark and twisted. Behind her walks in a 6'2 dark skin guy with eyes the color of caramel and teeth as white as the cocaine my mom sometimes sell. Immediately I stand up out of defense and Arianna and Aryn lean towards me in fear that I may move.
YOU ARE READING
Confessions of XO
Novela JuvenilLondon is the daughter of a female drug lord and she takes you in depth through her complicated life of trust, loyalty, love, danger, life, and greed.
