Fuck It Up Folio

Chapter 1 - Bad Habit

My head feels foggy as I pull myself out of bed. I drank too much last night my mouth feels like cotton and I will the room to stop spinning.

I don't usually drink on a work night but a couple of drinks with Koda and Zara clearly turned into one too many and now it looks like I'm going to be nursing banger of a head ache for atleast half the day in the salon.

I check the time on my phone. 6.12am. At least I have time for a shower and to get myself looking semi professional for the day. I grunt when I feel Sam next to me in bed. Another clear sign of having one too many last night.

That is a bad habit that I have got to stop.

I grunt hopping out of bed, quickly getting a shower the warm water washes over me cleansing away the night before.

Why do I keep fucking doing this?

I like that I can use him when I need to. It's selfish but true. I get what I want and then he goes away. It's easy and it's fun. That's the thing about hooking up with your ex, they know what you like, they know how to please you. Not all the time but with Sam he listens, he knows exactly what to do which is why it works but it's becoming to regular now. He keeps asking where it's heading and the reality is nowhere.

I don't want anything more than sex from him. He fucked up, he called it quits and I'm okay with that but I can't lead him on thinking it's going to end up with us getting back together.

I wrap a towel round myself as I make my way back to my bedroom and quickly get ready slipping into a acid print skirt that clings to my hips matching it with a plain grey tee and black studded belt. I slip on my silver rings Vivienne Westwood necklace checking myself in the mirror.

"You look good." Sam murmurs from my bed catching my attention.

"Oh thanks." I smile back at him leaving the room in hunt for strong coffee, breakfast and paracetamol.

"I'm gonna just use your shower. I can give you a ride to work if you want?" Sam asks poking his head around the kitchen door.

"That would be great actually. Thanks." I reply taking a sip of coffee. "Want one?"

"Nah, thanks V." He replies leaving me in the kitchen alone.

He's getting too comfortable here and it's starting to get under my skin. I get it though because I'm feeding it letting it becoming a multiple times a week thing at this point.

I blow-dry my hair with a little volume and bounce. I love the way it tumbles over my shoulders and down my back. It takes an age to dry but it's so worth it.

"Hey V, that's me ready." Sam calls from the hall, I can hear the jangle of his keys.

"I'll just meet you at the car." I reply minutes later my front door closes.

I lace up my black docs and grab my purse checking inside for my wallet, lipgloss and sunglasses. I quickly spritz myself with givenchy l'interdit rouge and lock up my apartment meeting Sam in the car.

Blink 182 "Down" plays drowning out any need for unnecessary conversation not that Sam won't try. I look towards the window and close my eyes feeling the movement of the car carry us.

"You tired V?" I can't resist rolling my eyes under my lids.

"Mhmm." I hum back hearing him chuckle. "Sorry, we were up pretty late."

"Yeah. We have to stop this Sam." I tell him finally opening my eyes not really wanting to have this conversation in his car. I feel the leather of the seats starting to stick to me, my palms sweaty nervous for the conversation.

"Why we're both having fun?" I can see he's hurt even though he's trying to hide it.

"It is fun but we're falling into old habits Sam."

"V, you call me and I come. I call you and you come. It works both ways." Sam tells me his southern lilt stronger with every word. He's pissed.

"I know but we need to stop. How longs it been now?"

"Three months." Sam replies without a beat. "You started this Violet. Are you scared you're gonna get too attached or something?"

"No I-"

"Well I know I sure as shit ain't gonna get fucking attached to you again V. That's a promise. You fucking called me up months after we split saying you fucking missed the way I made you feel. I didn't fucking do this." He looks at me his hazel eyes bright, his words laced with venom. "God you're fucking gorgeous but your heart is cold and ugly. If you didn't fuck as good as you do we would have ended way sooner."

"Ok Sam. You've made your point." I've heard all this before. His words no longer sting like they used to. He'll take them back in a few days time showering me with apologies and flowers when he wants in my bed again.

"Have a good day at work V. Now get the fuck out my car."

"Thanks Sam." I reply refusing to stoop to his level. At least he had the decency to drop me off at work.

"Morning V, how's your head?" Zara wriggles her eyebrows at me as I enter the salon.

"Sensitive, yours?" I smile a reply at her leaving my conversation with Sam at the door.

"Me too. Was that Sam's car?" She asks following me through the salon to the back. I put my purse in the staff room and grab myself a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Yup." I bluntly reply pooping the "p".

"V..."

"I know, I know. I broke it off. Again." I fiddle with the salon computer checking my column for the day.

"How many times are we gonna have this conversation? How many times are you gonna have to break it off." Zara scolds fiddling with the salon playlist.

"Seriously I mean it this time." I grumble back at her rubbing my temples with my fingers willing for the hangover to disappear.

"Yeah, yeah. That's what you said last time. What is it about him V that has this hold over you? Sure he's hot and has that bad boy charm but he fucking cheated on you. A lot. He must be fucking incredible in bed for you to go back to him after that."

"We're not together Zara we just hook up sometimes."

"Sometimes too much." She mutters walking away from me setting up for her client.

"Good morning beautiful people!" Grace our boss sings as she walks into the salon.

"Morning Gracie." I muster a smile checking my column again. A new online booking has appeared in the last five minutes. "Oh shit."

"What's up V?" Grace asks stopping in front of the desk.

"She fucked Sam again last night." Zara says from across the salon floor.

"No she didn't. You didn't? Why V?" Grace looks at me her eyes wide.

"No it's not that. I have a gent in my column. I don't do gents hair. I'm gonna call him to get him to move to Zara." I say doing just that but the line rings out not even giving me an option to leave a voice mail.

"No luck?" Grace asks me, I shake my head in reply. "Sorry hun, looks like you'll just have to crack on with it. It's just a one off. I'll change the option on the booking system." She rubs my arm sympathetically whilst Zara chuckles from her station.

"What?" I ask her giving my best death stare.

"That's karma for ya baby." She pokes out her tongue.

"I mean it. That was the last time. I'm done."

"Whatever V, I'll believe it when I see it."