stereo love

two

july, 2007

...

Ice, and elevation all night long in a motel room after getting to the designated location, Jacob left in the morning to find a place, I've been icing, taking ice baths and sitting in the a/c all day. Watching a boat load of TV, and munching on snacks here and there, even though I was locked in a room. The room wasn't bare, the room wasn't restricting or threatening, I am safe and... I can feel it down to my core, I thought it would change but it didn't. The days flew by, the same thing every day, we'll eat before Jacob leaves, I'll ice my wounds, he'll come check up on me, then he'll leave again, I'll move around the room clean up, open the shades for a little bit. He'll come back, eat with me, we'll go outside for a little while, come back in, close the shades, he'll leave again, checks on me two more times before coming back in for the rest of the night, but... it was better than going back to that bare room. The past couple days he's been checking on me less, he said he's looking further now, there's a lot more houses available inland than on the shore since people who had some cash took the beach fronts, since they were more expensive. My arms are healing faster than my right thigh, but got it in time before it started to harden which I would need surgery then.

My ribcage wasn't so bad anymore either green and yellow marks everywhere but healing, the days must be going faster than I thought and I missed Jacob. I miss Jacob a lot, I'm missing our time together.

Why does he look at me that way? At all times?

He is so attentive, and gentle, and kind. And he's intense, but he's a deep soul and I can read him like a book.

I get distracted a lot from icing because I'm watching Friends, I like Phoebe, she's so funny. I don't like the Spanish channel too much, and I should I feel racist to my own ethnicity, it's just not... alluring enough, or maybe just that show. I sat on the bed watching reruns for hours, the group of friends were always in something, and they were always together. I wish Embry and Quil were here, I hope they're okay.

Jacob came back when the sun was setting with a bag, he looked on edge, but I greeted him with a happy smile, and he was more relaxed. The ice was water in the tied-up baggies, I completely forgot about the icing, probably time for an ice bath anyways. Jacob brought home burgers, and he also brought coloring books, he got colored markers.

"Something else to do." He had said, his tone was off, but his eyes were intense, he was on edge again.

We ate and it was quiet, but he was more on edge than before, I didn't want him to stress.

"Estás bien?" I asked watching him walk around the room.

"I found a place. It's two hours from here by the beach, it's a one bedroom but..."

My head tilted out of confusion and curiosity, "but" I repeated, and he glanced over at me.

His head also tilts when he meets my gaze, I never fail to make him relax, he tilted his head back straight, "I imprinted on you, it's a wolf thing."

Imprinted on me? What does that mean? "¿Qué significa eso?"

He sits on the other bed, on the edge, a little anxious but his eyes are attentive on my face, "imprinting means that when you see her everything stops. Gravity shifts, it's not gravity that holds you to the Earth, she does." Whoa, "whatever you need, anything you need, I'll do for you. Brother, friend, lover or protector, whatever you want. It's like fate... a lifetime bond that can't be broken, and I can never hurt you. I'll never leave."

Whoa. Whoa. Wait, so that's why? His absence, and the way he is with me. Because he imprinted on me? Anything I need? Brother? Friend? Lover? Protector? A lifetime bond? What do I need? But what does he need?