A Heart Of Revenge (SEOKSOO)

19. Joshua

Ok first of all... Man needs to chill because my heart can't handle that smile. It's absolutely blinding. Also and this is completely a iffentet topic to our boys, but as most of you know, more and more groups are having foreign members and there's a group that actually has been rebranded with no korean members at all. BLACKSWAN has been nominated for a Fan's choie awards at MAMA and them getting aperformance or even an appearance would be a great feat in inspiring more and more foreign memebers so if you guys can, please fo check them out. Their music is great and vote if you become a fan. If you are a fan reach out because I need LUMINA friends TT. Anyway, it's short but, enjoy ;)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"N... no. It doesn't hurt." Clearly, my answer doesn't convince him because he sternly eyes me.

"Don't lie to me. The last time you held you stomach like that, you collapsed."

"It really doesn't hurt. I swear." I emphasise my words. And it doesn't hurt. It's just...

"Then why are you holding it like that?"

"It's... it's nothing." I let my hand drop from my stomach and turn my head away from him. I really didn't want to tell him it was a reminder of my weakness. A permanent reminder. Bruises fade and smaller wounds heal to the point you don't see them. But this would always be visible, and it would be there forever. Even if the blood tie was broken, I was still mated to Beta Blake. Even when the bastard dies it won't go away.

Out of the peripheral vision of my eye, I see him lean back in his chair and his eyes narrow at my lack of explanation. Damn. I'll admit, it makes a great picture.

"Scars do fade over time. It won't always be so prominent."

Nail. On. The. Head. How did he know what I was thinking? Or was I just obvious?

I turn my head back to him and I know my eyes are wide as saucers.

"Think of it as a survivor's wound." He continues.

Huh? "A survivor's wound?"

"Yes. It did cause you a great deal of pain and suffering. But look at where you are now? Safe and standing in front of me, probably looking the healthiest you've been in years. You survived Joshua. It may not feel like it and you may not think it, but you are a fighter."

Well, I guess time will go to show him just how wrong he is. The only person who I've ever had any murderously violent fantasies about is Blake. I wasn't a fighter. Otherwise, I would have gotten out of there myself a lot sooner.

Once Alpha Seokmin had released me from the conversation in the office and said I was free to explore because there were no more news of those beasts in the forest. Standing at the open door, I watch as flecks of snow glided to the ground. A scene that was barely only offered to me through a window.

Alpha Seokmin said I was free to go around the pack and I was free to go outside if I wanted. I step forward so my right foot is just in line with the door frame and my face is hit with the bite of the fresh chill given off by the winter. I take a deep breath of the fresh air and the freedom I now have.

However, taking a step out seems harder than just the feeling of my shackles removed from me. I spend a long pathetic time just trying to take that first step outside the walls of this mansion of a pack house. I'd step one foot outside and immediately stap back across the threshold. I've never been outside alone.

"You plan on doing that all night?" Jihoon's voice rings out and I look back to see him sitting at the bottom stair, chin resting on his hands, smiling at me. How long had he been there? I hate that I couldn't scent him.

"It's snow. I mean you've seen snow before right? Moonshine's not that far away?"

My cheeks burn as I look at my feet in embarrassment, "Yeah. I've seen snow." I let my gaze fall on the flakes and realise the snow is falling heavier now and starting to settle on the grass.

"Then what is it? I've been watching you for a good twenty minutes and I can't seem to figure it out." He stands, dusting off his thighs. "Is it because of the beast? It's gone now. There's already been a scout and we've been given the all clear."

Was I really here for that long? Jihoon's footsteps echo in the air as he steps towards me until he's standing next to me. "You know, you're not alone here. There will always be someone around to help you or talk to." He links his arm with mine, "You're not thinking of running are you?"

"No. I'm not. It's just... well... even if I did, I wouldn't have anywhere to go to but no I'm not. It's just, I've never been outside on my own." I focus outside again. Jihoon tugs at my arm and smiles up at me in response.

"It's like I said. We are never alone here." He then tugs at me, pulling me out into the snow, completely unphased by the cold as he sports jeans and a vest.

"Everyone thinks we're this horrible, raging pack that just wants to kill everyone. But what we believe in is loyalty. Here, everyone will protect each other. If you're outside and someone was to attack, then I can guarantee you, everyone will come to help."

"Because I am Alpha Seokmin's chosen mate?" I ask quietly. Because these people don't even know me. They haven't even seen me all that much.

"Partly, but mostly because that is who we are, we protect our own."

That may be the case, but... technically, I still wasn't part of this pack.