Whispers At Midnight

cold, warmth, Dark, light, death

I opened my eyes. And the voice was echoing in my ears as soon as I woke up. What was that. Who's voice was that. What happened yesterday. I remember I had panic attack and fell on the bathroom floor. How I'm on my bed. Did my mom shifted me here. What's going on. Slowly I was noticing the surroundings. I was still in my uniform. Why didn't mom changed my uniform? But I wasn't wearing my shoes, socks, neck tie and school ID card. I tried to get up but failed due to headache. My head was so heavy. I somehow got down from the bed. It was early morning. My window was open like always. Cool wind was kissing my face. I took a peaceful breath. It's not my choice but I'm still great full to my mom for setting my window with plants. It attracts birds and butterfly and seeing them I feel calm. Do I love nature? I never thought about what I like. I like the blue sky too. Mostly the dark blue one. In evening, when the blue shade of sky is slowly turning into black. Like  in water the deeper you sink the darker it becomes. The Blue water turns into black shade. DARK...
Do I love water. Or sinking in water. I surly want to try this feeling.  I was so deep into my feelings that I didn't even realize when my mother came into the room and called me. I came back to reality when she tapped my shoulder.  I looked at her face and she had expressions of concern on her face. I wonder what made her concerned and then I remembered incidents of last night.

"Are you ok baby?"

I was staring at her face. I wish she could be strong to protect me. But how miserable her situation is. Maybe worst them me. Maybe not. I don't know much about my mom's past as we never had a chance to sit and talk like Normal family. I want to protect her now. So badly. I want to runaway from here , taking my mom with me.
I was again lost in my thoughts when my mom again shaked me.

" Dear ! Are you okay. Do you want to skip school and rest at home."

My mom said with concern and worry. But she doesn't know that home is not a peaceful or comfortable place for me to rest. School is better than this hell.

" No! I'll go to school. I'm ok. Don't worry."

I faked a smile and got up from my bed to fresh up before my mom notice my tears. She must be worried because of last night, when I collapsed in washroom. I don't want to add my worries into hers. She already has a lot. I washed my face and looked into the mirror. I can see reflexion of my face from last night. The pain. The horror. Suffocation. Desire to escape. All were so prominent on my face.
I washed my face again to wash over all those memories. People says , forget about past.
But how? It's not like I can erase those memories. That day. This day. Yesterday. And what about tomorrow.

"Baby I'm leaving your breakfast and uniform here." I heard my mother's voice from my room.
When I came into my room, my mom was not there. The same uniform From last night, was  on my bed. I could never wear that uniform. I had no strength for that.
I had no other uniform to change. Usually I come home and wash my uniform first and iron it at night. So I just wore my shoes and took my bag pack. I was about to leave my room but then saw the tray on my bed. I was in no mood to eat but mom would be worried if I skip meal. I took the bread and staffed them into my mouth, taking sip of water I somehow ate them. I was late and my bus must have gone now so I decided to walk to the school. It would make me feel better too. I would miss first 2 lectures but it's okay.

I was walking on the road looking at the road under my feet. I always look down when walking. I want to look at the sky but I never had confidence to. It gives me hopes for my future. And hopes and dreams are dangerous for me. Looking down tells me that I'm walking on earth. Looking for a home. My Home. Not house but home. I just need to keep walking on earth. Going into sky would make me free from the pain but home on earth would never be mine then. I'm full of disappointment.

I was walking quietly when I  heard a bike horn. I looked up and saw a bike in front of me. I was about to collided into it as it was blocking my way. It was a heavy bike. It looked expensive. Then I saw it's owner.
Oh shit! It was that new boy. I don't remember his name. But the one who is always eye fucking me.