I sleep a lot
But I'm always tired
I laugh a lot
But I feel so empty
I invest a lot and give my everything
So why does it feel like im not left with anything?
I am so kind to everyone
Why can I be mean to anyone?
And that anyone is myself
My poor little self who doesn't deserve the pain and suffering
Of my brain that never works and is constantly buffering
Buffering on that fact of finding out what it feels like to be okay
In a way that makes sense and can be explained without touramenting guilt, mercy, or self-shame.
I don't understand why I crave comfort in people by want and not demand.
I need to be wanted and cared for desired by others so people can be there and love each other.
Others that give me purpose.
Purpose in a void of black abyss that I call my identity. A thing that I beg to find for myself incramently.
But maybe that hole can't be filled with company
Maybe that despair isn't a person or people
What if that pit was calm and peaceful
With myself.
Peaceful with me,my,myself, and with no "why?"
Peace with being okay,but not for another for my health and no others
So in a sea of people I still am not me. So I'd rather be okay with being the only fish in my sea. What's the point of being the same as those with no decency? The sooner I realize that it's okay to be alone; I'll be set free and understand that
It's okay to be alone but not lonley.
