Some Marvelous Experience, Which is Not Going to Go Wasted on Me

Chapter III - Sometimes We Live No Particular Way but Our Own

The next morning I awoke alone. Sitting up into the glare of the sun I surveyed the mess we'd made of things. I grinned. Standing up, putting on the nearest pair of sweats, I wandered through my small apartment to see no signs of Amy. On the floor of my bedroom she left her bra. On the coffee table, next to the document containing my full government name, was a note.

Thanks for the study session last night. I'm sure we have got a lot done in spite of you being incredibly unfocused ;) Get some rest Archie, I have the feeling you'll need it after last night, see you in class tomorrow.

P.S I did end up taking a sweater for my walk back this morning, hope you won't need it.

-Amy

Sunday was negative space. Uncharacteristically chilly and wrought with the pangs of the great love only once there. I remained in my apartment going on crazy. What a fantastic day we had. I still do not know who I have discovered, and what it all means. A partner? Was it romantic or platonic? A one night stand? A little fall fling? The sex meant something, that was the only thing I was sure of. And what of the note? "I'll see you in class tomorrow," does that mean I can't see her today? Does that mean anything? I hesitated to text her, at least for now. I think I should wait this one out, not text her unless I need to, and see her in class. I looked down at my bedroom doorway and picked up her tan bra. Odd how she left here with this but took the sweater. Such an odd place, I remember taking this off while we were in bed. Unless she left it there knowingly.

I decided to wait and therefore I shall. I wanted to text her, but not knowing what she was up to nor what to text about I decided against it. I worked in solitude in my apartment. This was a manner of solitude I disliked. I had just opened my mind and body to the pleasures of another person. The morning after was supposed to be a reconciliation with that bodily agreement. I suppose that her presence in the future rules out last night as a one night stand. The unspoken agreement last night was not that of such a one-off interaction. With one night stands the morning after reconciliation is not necessary, as it is not expected. The agreement of bodily interaction and of a later physical/mental presence is contained within the night itself, after the night, it is all in the past. I'll see Amy again, she left a note, took my sweater, and potentially left her bra on purpose. There is too much materiality tying me to her. It then occurred to me that all this torturous contemplating within the mental and literal echo chamber of mind and home is what Amy both expected and wanted from me. This could either be another bait, testing my confidence and fortitude, or an attempt to draw me into desperation. These fucking games, they're what draws me in and consumes me, they tears me apart, and they are what makes it all worth it. These games are my punishment and reward, but goddamn was that reward worth it. As for now, I got nothing to do but hurry up and wait.

***

Its moments like leaving your apartment to do laundry, or emailing a professor, or even the daily walk to class that really pull you out of the mental rut that you didn't realize that you were in. I had just experienced one of the most fascinating nights with one of the most fascinating women I had ever met, and I only met her the previous day. Regardless of this wonderful and magical experience, the world still turns, deadlines still approach, and clothes still get dirty. Just as easily however is being thrown back into the mental tempest of lust, something as simple as feeling the softness of her bra, to the lingering scent of her perfume or sweat on my bedsheets, even to something as grabbing a sweater on my way out the door just to see an empty hanger. My Monday walk to class was one of the more grounding moments. My mind was mostly stuck on Amy, how could it not, but after a blue and lonely (the lesser kind of lonely) Sunday the excitement I felt had no choice but to fade.

I entered the lecture hall and took my regular seat near the back of the room. Amy walked in a few minutes after me, she was wearing the sweater she took, as she entered she locked eyes with me across the room and winked before taking her regular seat closer to the front of the room. I found that amusing, acting as if nothing had occurred just week before. There was a sea of students between us, and an instructor that had authority over which direction we all universally faced. Seeing the back of Amy's head had new meaning to me, as now I know that this inconspicuous head far in front of me, a head that had no previous meaning, was now one of the most central constructs of my mind. A sea of students between me and her, all with their own troubles and tribulations and yet it has never mattered less to me.