Short stories

You broke me

Time heals they say, but look at me still drowning, craving your presence...

"Aiz... You said this yourself that you don't want this.."

I couldn't stop the tears rolling from my eyes down to my ears as I lay on my pillow staring at the ceiling whilst the phone on my right.
"But I don't want to..." I closed my eyes shut tight, trying to conceal my wavering voice. "You promised me we'll be friends even after."

"Of course we'll be", he said sounding more quieter than his usual, it was almost like I'm the only one who needed comfort and lies brewed to console.

"Like hell you'll keep that promise..." I hiccuped, 'this damn bastard.'

"Aiz... Maybe in the future, I'll come for you, just bare with me until"

"What if- what if we lose touch? What if we don't full-fill our promises" I started to blabber shites.
He gave me a small chuckle. It's magical.
"Daniel!!!" I hissed.

A moment of silence pass by. An understanding between us. This'll be the last call we'll probably ever have. And it be the end of something dangerous yet dear I held close to my heart.

"so..." He paused "I guess this is good bye... heh..."

Emotions swelled up inside my chest, a fresh wave of tears attacked my eyes. I couldn't bear it anymore. I've never expressed my love to him, it was always texts, never have I voiced my feelings.
"I love you..." I squeezed my eyes, forcing myself to steady my voice, even in this situation, I didn't want him to know this side of me. It hurts so much to let go of something I've long got accustomed to and cherished as a daily necessity, "I love you, minion"

"I love you too, moony"

"I don't think you heard me"

"I heard you clear"

"G- Good bye"

"Good bye"

The overwhelming silence swept over me as Daniel ended the call. Pain swelled over my chest, my eyes straining to stop my tears and hiccups. Today started normal, we talked as usual. Until an hour ago... I don't think he fully understood the damage he did to me. I don't think he'll ever. But now I'll have to pretend this never existed and conceal my threatening emotions.

'Dear diary', I paused, my mind wandering in different ways, but I wanted to settle on one topic I have been avoiding for months. 'Daniel. Daniel. Daniel. It's all that there's in my mind. He's all my whole world revolves around. I know he got over me. I just know. From the way he's living his life; going to the theatres more often, hanging out with his friends at least twice every weekdays and most of his weekends, traveling, music, many more. I know from the way he's been avoiding messaging me, like he promised, he didn't, even the next day since we... broke up. And even if I induce a conversation it barely passes 10 messages back and forth. I know from this, the book we wrote together, still uncompleted will forever stay that way. The song we wanted to sing together will never come by. The movie date we promised and the ice-cream pints to be eaten while cuddling watching movies will never arrive. All the nicknames we gave each other will never come to the surface ever again. Yet as time passes by, I still haven't felt any bit of my love for him disappear, in-fact I only see it growing more. I'm more infatuated and more obsessed the more the days pass by, I do know and am well aware that this is unhealthy but I can't do it. I can't block all my emotions and avoid him online, the only way I'm connected to him, all together. It's scary, and I'm not helped when my old school friends ask about him to me, even though they're the once who see him everyday, every time they call or reach out to me. It doesn't help when I'm anxious he's all I could think and plead to give my comfort. Did I really found comfort in him? I still wonder. My memory is hazy and sometimes I hallucinate. The strings that hold on to me to keep myself together are breaking one by one. I don't know what could cure me, and I feel helpless. There isn't anyone I can be frank about without judgment faced... except him. But I must move on, away from the shackles that keep me bid to the past, away from the weight I carry, away from him. I can't block all these things and concentrate on my life, and I struggle to do so, I feel suffocated, I can't help the tears and my anger rolling out of me. I need closure. I need warmth. I need the peace that I won't get. It's what he stole from me.' I closed my diary, and placed it deep inside my drawers until the next time I break.

Pathetic I am for love. Pathetic I'll be for killing myself inside. It's not my fault, right?