Totally NOT In love. (Comedy gold/Tropheesy)

20,000 READS!!!

Honestly, I never thought this day would come. 20 THOUSAND READS. I'm so grateful for all of you guys taking the time to read through my fanfic.

As a little treat, I'll show you guys a little comedy gold oneshot that's been rotting in my google docs for... checks watch... No clue, but it's been there a while and I never finished it, so I guess you guys can have it.

Trigger warning: References to self harm, gender dysmorphia, and mental breakdowns.

Oh and did I mention it's Hanahaki? :)

Enjoy!

-

Cheesy laid in his bed, hugging his blankets and squeezing his teddy bear tightly.

Tear streaks stained his face as he sobbed into his blanket, his scarred arms grazing the inside of his hoodie. It stung, and he hated it, but he would harm himself anyway. It felt like he deserved it.

He continued to cry his little heart out, the only comfort coming from the teddy bear he was holding onto. It was a gift from Trophy he got only a few weeks ago, but he had been caring for it with all his heart and soul since he got it. He remembered the day vividly. He got it in a gift box with a neatly tied ribbon around it. Trophy made up an excuse that he just had extra money after shopping and was bored, but he knew that Trophy had gotten it especially for him. And for that, he treasured the plush.

But even that couldn't comfort him well enough. His negative thoughts were starting to get the better of him, but he felt like he couldn't tell anyone. He was always happy and making jokes to cheer people up. He was always the helper, never the helped, and it hurt. Of course he didn't mind helping people, but it felt tough with all the pressure to be so energetic all the time.

He hated being this way. He hated being so sensitive. He felt like the only way to feel better was to hurt himself, but it never worked. And he still kept doing it. He didn't even know why.

He felt weird. He felt disgusting. He felt like a fraud.

The binder on his chest was suffocating, but he was too scared to take it off. He hugged himself with the stuffed bear in his arms as he continued to sob quietly. He hated having these episodes, but he couldn't stop himself. Sometimes his thoughts were too overwhelming to handle, so he would just break down.

The only person who knew about his episodes was Trophy. The way it happened was strange. They weren't that good friends at the time, but Trophy had walked into Cheesy's room while he was having one of his episodes. He felt embarrassed and scared, but that was the first time he saw Trophy so worried and caring. He felt special to finally see Trophy's soft side.

But no matter how hard he tried to comfort himself, his scary thoughts were always too strong. He felt all his trauma coming back to haunt him, and he hated it. He just wanted it all to end. Though, he felt like the only way for it all to end was... an unethical approach.

But he didn't want to do that to himself. He didn't want to do that to Trophy. Hurting Trophy was the last thing he'd ever want to do, but even so, he still felt like nothing else could help him. It was the only thing he could think of, and he didn't want to deal with his suffering any longer. It was too much to handle for someone like him.

As he continued to cry and sob, he felt something in his throat. He assumed it was just from crying so much, but he soon began coughing because of it. He sat up and coughed into his hand, until he looked in his palm to see a beautiful, flawless yellow flower petal.

It was like the opposite of him.

He looked at the flower petal as hundreds of thoughts raced through his mind, though his thoughts were cut off short as he heard a knock on his door. His soul almost left his body he flinched so hard.

He kept his gaze at the door, not looking away. He didn't make even the smallest noise; he didn't want anybody to know he was in here. After a few seconds, he heard another knock, followed by a voice.

"Cheesy? Are you in there?"

He could recognize that voice from a mile away. It was Trophy. He didn't want to worry him, so he stayed silent. He felt another petal grow in his throat at the thought of Trophy, but he couldn't make a noise, so he just had to deal with the uncomfortableness of the flower in his throat.

"Cheesy I heard you in here. Are you alright?"

He was not alright. He was at the lowest point of his mental health right now, and he could barely deal with living anymore. He was the opposite of alright, but he'd never tell anyone that. It was too risky for his reputation. He felt a flower petal crawl up his throat.

"If you want to talk, I'm always here."

Cheesy felt bad for not responding, but he didn't want to burden Trophy with his problems. He wanted to deal with them by himself. He didn't need anybody else's help, right? He was fine being alone. He felt a tear run down his face and he continued to stay quiet.

"...Okay. I'm going now."

He heard the pitter patter of Trophy's footsteps, slowly getting quieter with each step until he couldn't hear it anymore. All that he could hear was the buzzing sounds of the cicadas outside.

Immediately, he began coughing up another flower petal. It landed exactly in the middle of his palm, just like the other one. He felt confused, and kind of disturbed. Why would he be coughing up a flower petal? He had never heard of anything like it before. He decided that the mental breakdown could wait and he grabbed his phone from under his pillow. He always put it there as a kid so his mom wouldn't find him using it in the middle of the night. It was just a habit he never really grew out of.

He typed away at the touch keyboard. "why am I coughing up flower petals" he entered into the search bar.

-

And that's it! Wow, underwhelming, right?

Anyway, I just want to reiterate that I'm so so happy to have my fanfic get this popular. It's absolutely mindboggling knowing I have so many fans. You all mean so much to me.

...Also, shoutout to Bob Shinanigan, he's an awesome guy frfr. FOLLOW HIM ON BLUESKYYYYYYY

(My Bluesky account is leoslullaby)