Sebastian Sallow Fucking Sucks

Chapter Eight

I locked myself up in my dorm for the weekend. Sure, I wasn't on the verge of death anymore, but being healed by a deranged Slytherin wasn't like being discharged from St. Mungo's.

Sebastian had sent an owl when I hadn't turned up for multiple meals in the Great Hall, and I sent him back an enchanted illustration that shoved my middle finger in his face. The response in return:

"If I don't see you stuffing your face with pumpkin pasties come Monday, I'm sending Cressida after you."

"Prat." I ripped up the letter, stuffed the pieces into a cloth sack, and had the owl send it right back to him.

"How are we feeling?" Samantha poked her head in my bunk, a cautious smile on her face.

"As good as anyone would feel falling from their broom." I echoed her smile, but I spotted my reflection in the mirror over her shoulder. Deranged would be putting it kindly.

She'd insisted five times I should go to the infirmary, and after threatening to kill all her plants she'd finally quit.

"Just doing my roommate duty. I feel awful your weekend is ruined. Gryffindor's hosting a 'We Miss Quidditch' party tonight. You're missing out. First Black bans it after Leander lost a testicle during a match, and now you won't even get to experience what an after party would've been like."

"Wait wait wait, is that why Black cancelled Quidditch? Because Prewett lost a nut?" I laughed so hard my ribs protested. Merlin, I couldn't make up something better in my head. I'd read so many letters with cut out pieces involving some mysterious Pureblood student and their accident. "Does everyone know? How do you know this?"

Her mouth twisted in a scowl, and she busied herself with retying the linen bows on her sleeves. "You know what it's like being a well-read witch."

I blinked. "Yes..."

"And how oftentimes others don't necessarily like that. So when someone shows you attention, you may look past concerning attributes."

"I'm sorry. Are you telling me you've seen Leander Prewett's dick and single testicle? In the flesh?"

"Oh hush!" She threw her arms down, abandoning the ribbons. "I regret it, okay? It was before Grace and I started dating, and to my credit we both had drunken a lot of firewhiskey. I was still trying to convince myself I was attracted to wizards." She shivered. "Sixteen was supposed to be the year of being more daring. I don't recommend it."

"Don't recommend what? Being more daring or Prewett's dick?"

"You know what, I'm late!" She grabbed her cloak and bag. "Oh, I brought you this." She unearthed a mostly intact berry muffin and set it on my trunk. "If you start feeling lightheaded or nauseous please go to the infirmary immediately."

"Sam, please."

"Okay okay!" She held up her hands, glancing nervously at her plants pooling around her bottom bunk.

"I swear on Rowena Ravenclaw I won't kill them."

"The problem is I don't believe you." She checked her makeup in the mirror one last time, smiling at me in the reflection. I returned it against my better judgement.

"Stay out of trouble!" She waved.

"And stay safe from all those dicks," I called after her.

She groaned, slamming the door behind her.

***

It was nearly 2 am, and Samantha still wasn't back yet. The hushed giggling of my housemates passed in the stairwell, but I was starting to suspect Sam might be bunking with Grace again for the night. Which was fine. Except I was wide awake in my silence with no awkwardly drunken Ravenclaws to distract me. Which meant I was alone with my thoughts. Yuck.