Redemption

V

Dimitri left since 2:30 in the morning. He decided to take a walk outside again with his long unwashed black trench coat that he always wear. A black boots and black gloves are paired the same time. Smoking under a tree which leaves withered.

He looked around.
He was alone.
He is always alone.

It was nostalgic for him this time. Memories flooded in his mind. He started to feel a high rage of madness. Loathsome! Loathsome!

"This life is nonsense. Life is useless " -he exclaimed.

He is mad in everything around him. Humans believing in God, family, poverty, taxes, government,injustice systems and the alienation in the lower class society.

Money....

Money is also his another problem. He has been losing in the gambling these past days and the only money he has are the ones he had saved from the previous gambling. He is mad that he couldn't afford cocaine again nor would be able to see some prostitutes.

Another thing that made it worst is today is his birthday. He hates his birthday so much for it reminds him of every mess in his life. Even he himself is considered a 'mess'.

While walking on the way home, he passed by at a spot where he and Nikolai first met.

In a moment he started to realize that he ain't seeing him anymore for the past days. Nor even heard anything about him anymore.

"-strange" he thought.

He was thinking that maybe he is busy or he is in a business trip. But he remembered Nikolai isn't rich anymore but a broke man like him too.

He made it at home at 3:30am, sat down on his bed, stared at the four walls in each corner of his bedroom. It was dark. No lights at all. Not even a candlelight beside.

10am and his mother barged in to his room, she was shaking and crying. She look terrified. It pisses him off when people just ruin his peace with their drama.

"Nikolai.......is dead"

He just looked away from his mother and stared at his bookshelves standing beside the window. He just remained calm.

"He was found dead this morning. It was reported on the news. He is with God now..."
"-- could you stop mentioning that bastard?!! He is not real!" - he bursted out.

"How could you say this! You don't have any respect anymore?!!!"

Inessa stood in horror, watching her son acting like a demon.

"Respect?! He doesn't deserve any respect. Our lives won't be like this if not because of him! Your God doesn't even care to it's people. He does not love. He punish."

His mother will never understand anything for he speaks from a nihilist view.

"I never taught you to be like this. What is happening to you!" his mother shouted.

"I became like this. All because of the filthy humans around me!"

Inessa slammed the door and cried.

She couldn't believe her son just disrespected god. She knows he disrespects her, but God? It was horrible of him. How could he! He did not even care about Nikolai's death.

My son is a monster....

Dimitri was just stucked in his room and made himself busy by making artworks. Artworks about hatred to God. While he was distracting himself, he suddenly thought of Nikolai. Questions started to form in his mind such as 'how' and 'why'.

But he still managed to not care. He thinks, he was just using him to be a 'so called friend ' just to prove his wealth and power. He believes trust is expensive and so as Nikolai is his enemy.

5 in the afternoon, he decided to leave the apartment again but as he was about to leave, his mother appeared behind him carrying a cake with candles. Smiling. Trying to smile.

"Happy birthday, son."

He stared at her for a moment and blew the candles.

"I cooked a special food for you. You will love it "
"I need to leave. I'll be back tonight. You can go ahead and eat ."
"But--"

"You don't have to wait for me."

He left.

That was the last day he saw his mother.