Commencement (West Hampton U: Part 2)

Chapter 16 ● Permission

-- Ruhaan--

I settle in beside Muskaan on the big barrel of hay. She gives me a pretty smile, before offering me some chips from the bag in her hand. I should say no, but today wore me out, and so I grab a large handful of the Doritos. She looks surprised, but doesn't say anything. I know she knows better than most the crap I have to put up with right now to secure my spot in the draft. "You look very handsome."

"I do, don't I?" I grin at her. We had a team photoshoot today for promotional materials, and so Coach demanded we show up in our best three piece suits. Since there was a Halloween haunt today and all my friends were going, I figured I'd come dressed as 'insert movie character that wears a suit.'

"James Bond?" she asks, reading my mind.

I chuckle. "Sure, let's go with that."

It was chilly tonight, which was unfortunate but fitting for the haunted house and maze that had been set up on the football field. From our spot here, I could see Suhana and Sameer at the rickety booth, getting tickets for the haunted house for all of us I presume. I lean back on my elbows, drinking in Suhana in her chunky sweater and fitted jeans.

"Those jeans are doing it for her aren't they?"

"Yup," I nod. Wait- shit. I look at Muskaan with wide eyes, but she just shakes her head at me with an amused smile. "I'm just messing around, don't tell her I said that," I quickly try to cover.

"Ruhaan," Muskaan says gently. "I know."

I eye her warily. "Know what?"

"Come on Ruhaan. You can't lie to me. Your face is such an open book."

I groan, slapping a hand over my face. "Don't tell her please."

"I won't," Muskaan puts a hand on my arm, tugging my hand down. She's smiling ear to ear. "I should have bet money. I knew something was bound to happen between you two."

"It's not what you think. We're not together or anything," I grumble. I sigh, looking at Suhana again, who's laughing at something Sameer is saying. "I think I'm in love with her." I've never even said those words to myself.

Muskaan's jaw drop. "Are you serious?" She's whispering now, as if Suhana would hear us from nearly 50 feet away.

I nod slowly. "I didn't mean for it to happen. But I was stupid and got too close to her. But she doesn't feel that way about me."

Muskaan bites the inside of her cheek, also looking at Suhana. "I don't think it's about whether or not she likes you. I think the question is whether she would give herself permission to."

"What do you mean?"

"Ruhaan, you've made it very clear that you are getting drafted no matter what. She won't ever consider a relationship with you that has an end date. Suhana may be a wild spirit, but I think she's just as driven with her goals as you. For better or for worse. If you're both going separate ways after we graduate, why would she bother?"

That's exactly what Suhana alluded to in the library the other day as well. It's my career that is the obstacle. "But I can't give up basketball for her."

"She doesn't expect you to. No would she ever let you do that. But you have to decide what you want and be okay with that choice. Can't say I wouldn't love for you two to end up together though. But she's not part of your five year plan," she smiles sadly.

Right. She isn't. But why not... "How'd you figure it out?" I ask her.

I can tell her eyes are now on Sameer instead of Suhana. "You look at her the way I look at him. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together. And no way you both just suddenly started to get along this summer without reason."