Forbidden Desires

EPISODE 4

After I finished my shower, my order had already arrived. However, since there are strict rules in my house, I usually ask my brother to receive the food from the delivery rider. But today was different; Stephen and Joseph were both out. And I was starving. So, I decided to collect the order myself.

I paid the rider and closed the door. But as soon as I turned around, I saw my dad glaring at me with anger.

Dad: “Who was that?”

Zayana: (nervously) “I... I ordered breakfast. It just got delivered...” 

Dad: “Who brought it? Was it your lover?” 

I just stood there, frozen, staring into my father’s eyes, speechless. I could endure all his scolding, his strictness, his every rebuke or any reprimand—but an accusation? From my own father? The one who keeps me under his watch constantly? And yet, after keeping such a close eye on me, is there still room for doubt? Is there any justification for raising questions about my character?

Dad: “Get out of my sight.”

Wiping away my tears, I headed to the kitchen and placed the food beside the sink. My hunger had vanished entirely. Dad knew very well that it was just a delivery rider, but it felt like his sole purpose was to hurt me, Or maybe I didn’t understand his real intention.

I went to my room and cried, refusing to leave for the rest of the day. I thought about calling Stacy, but she hadn't replied to any of my previous messages. So I opened the dating app, thinking maybe I'd come across Stacy there. But whoaa.. this really was a whole different world.

In Stacy’s chats, there were 15 or 20 guys practically begging for her attention, and to my surprise, she was effortlessly juggling them all. So this is where she’s been all this time! No wonder she’s too busy to respond to me.

I scrolled through her messages with them when suddenly, there was a knock at my door.

Zayana: “Who is it?”

Mom: “Can I come in?” 

Zayana: “Of course, Mom, you don’t need to ask.” 

Mom: “Here... eat something.”

Zayana: “No, I’m not hungry.”
 
Mom: (annoyed) “Fine, don’t eat! I’m not eating either.”

Zayana: (in a sweet voice) “Okay, okay, leave it here. I’ll eat in a bit.”

Mom caressed my head softly before leaving the room.

As soon as the aroma of food hit my nose, I felt hunger creeping back. Eventually, I ate, did some chores, and lay down again, trying to sleep. After scrolling on my phone for a bit, just as I was about to drift off, when suddenly, dark devilish thoughts crept into my mind.

Why, despite living my life so modestly, doesn’t my father trust me? I've sacrificed every school picnic, every cousin's outing, crushing my desires just to live up to his expectations. But it's all been for nothing...

(These kinds of thoughts often come when you feel lonely. I admit, I said all this because I had no one to talk to. Stacy had been distant for a long time, and I felt utterly isolated.)

So I opened the dating app. The moment I did, a match popped up. Some guy had left a comment on our fake picture saying, "Hey, princess."
I texted him back.

There were two other guys too. One of them messaged me, saying, “You’re late. I’m about to commit suicide.” That message freaked me out, so I unmatched him right away. No way was I taking any risks—what if it turned into a police case? The last person he spoke to would’ve been me. No thanks!

The third guy, I jokingly told him that I had no legs and that’s why nobody wanted to talk to me. The funny thing was, up until I told him that I was “disabled” (which I’m not, haha), he was chatting just fine. But the moment he found out, it was like he’d been struck dumb. His interest in me instantly dropped.

It's true, people want a "perfect" partner. That’s the harsh reality of the world. People judge you by your looks, your race, your behavior.

Some guys, though, they just want a ‘hole,’ if you know what I mean. A whole ‘hole.’
Sometimes, men are such shameful creatures, it feels like even their words of love are just an excuse to crawl into your pants for their own desires.

But, to be fair, that’s not always the case. There are good people too. Like the "Hey princess" guy, haha.

His name on the app was Ben Mark, but in reality, his name is Atticus de Moreno (he told me). Well, He seems nice... or maybe not. I don’t know yet.

We’ve chatted a little. Unlike most guys, he’s not trying to flirt his way into my pants. He’s polite, soft-spoken. I like him—not in that way, but because he’s better than the others I’ve come across.

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