A Madhouse diary - straykids fanfiction

☆Entry⁸

Nam y/n
Entry no.8
Note: "all I have to do is give in and I'll be safe... right?"

The sterile white walls of the visiting room feel suffocating today, just like they have for the past few weeks. The air is thick with tension, and the harsh fluorescent lights buzz overhead, a constant reminder of where you are.

You're seated at a cold metal table, your hands folded in front of you, but the unease is gnawing at you, eating away at whatever little composure you have left.

Your uncle, Nam Jiseok, sits across from you, his presence as imposing as ever. He’s always been the one who keeps everything together, the one who controls the room, the one with answers. But today, even he can’t fix what’s unraveling inside of you. His expression is hard to read, but his eyes carry that familiar warmth—though you’re not sure it helps anymore.

“Nam Y/n,” Jiseok starts, his voice steady, but with a hint of worry. “What’s going on? I can see it. You’re not yourself.”

You scoff bitterly, shaking your head. "Not myself? What do you mean? I'm stuck here, surrounded by them, and I'm losing my mind. But you wouldn't understand that, would you? You have your life. You have your power. You get to walk away from all this, but I’m here. Trapped."

Your voice trembles as you go on, but you force the words out anyway. "I'm scared, Uncle. I'm really scared. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this place. I don't know how much longer I can handle them. I just... I just want to get out of here. Please... take me out. I don't care where we go, I just want to leave. I can't breathe in here."

You feel your throat closing up as the emotion starts to crack through the façade you’ve been desperately holding in. The dam breaks, and hot tears burn your cheeks, but you don’t bother to wipe them away. You don’t care anymore.

Jiseok stays silent for a moment, his eyes softening, but his jaw tightens. He leans forward slightly, clasping his hands together. You can see the battle in his eyes—the protector and the man caught in a web of responsibility.

“Y/n, listen to me,” he says, his voice low but firm. “I want nothing more than to take you out of here. I really do. But you have to understand—there’s no way out that doesn’t come with consequences. You’re safer here than anywhere else.”

"Safer?" you snap, wiping at your eyes angrily, the tears not stopping. "How the hell am I supposed to feel safe in this place? With them constantly watching me, with the danger lurking around every corner? I’m suffocating in here. You think I’m safe? I’m gonna die in here, ahjussi! I can feel it. I can feel the walls closing in on me, the air getting thinner with every passing day, and you—you’re just standing there, acting like this is all fine. It's not fine, Uncle!"

Your chest tightens with frustration, your breath coming in short, rapid bursts as you lean forward, the weight of it all finally breaking you down. You’re shaking now, the emotions flowing out of you in a torrent you can’t control. "You don’t get it. You have no idea what it’s like here. You have no idea what they’re doing to me, what they’ve done to me already."

Jiseok watches you carefully, the edge of concern still in his eyes, but there’s a coldness in his posture now, a sense of duty that’s starting to settle in. His shoulders stiffen, and he sits up straighter, as though preparing to face something difficult.

“I know exactly what it’s like, Y/n. I don’t want to hear this from you. You think I want you here? I hate seeing you like this, trapped in a place where I can’t protect you the way I should. But you need to understand something. If I take you out of here, if I even try to get you out of Stayzone, the people who killed your parents won’t just stop. If i send you north,  They’ll come after you. They’ll come after me. They’ll know we’re in South Korea, and they’ll get their hands on you, Y/N. Do you understand what that means?"