Our Love | Jeongcheol

five

Jeonghan was caught in a haze of worry, his secret weighing down on him more and more each day. Every morning, he'd wake up thinking, Today, I'll tell Seungcheol. But by evening, he'd find a reason to put it off again, always convincing himself that tomorrow would be a better time.

This pregnancy felt surreal like he was half-awake in a dream he couldn't wake up from.

Small things were changing, subtle things no one else would notice, but him. It was like his body was trying to remind him of what he was carrying inside, each new craving and feeling dragging him deeper into the reality he wasn't ready to face.

Oranges were his newest obsession.

The tangy sweetness seemed to calm his nerves somehow, and he'd find himself peeling one after another, fingers sticky as he took tiny bites, letting each segment melt on his tongue.

He'd chew slowly, staring into space, caught between savoring the taste and feeling an odd unease. As he ate, his mind would drift to thoughts of the baby, wondering what it would be like. He could almost picture it—a small, round face that looked like Seungcheol's, chubby fingers reaching up to him.

The idea made his chest ache like it was too sweet, too good to be real.

Jeonghan couldn't stop himself from wondering, even for just a second, what it would be like if he didn't go through with the pregnancy. If he could just... let it all slip away. No one would have to know, and he wouldn't have to face the fear of how Seungcheol would react.

He put down the half-eaten orange. His stomach turned, a strange emptiness settling over him as he stared at the peeled slices lying limp in his hand.

The tension was building inside him, spilling over in the smallest of ways.

During a break on set for a commercial shoot, he found himself snapping at a younger member who was excitedly leaning over to show him something on his phone.

"Hyung, look—" Chan started, but before they could even finish, Jeonghan cut them off, sharper than he'd meant to. "Can you not?" he said causing Chan to step back, surprise and hurt crossing his face.

Guilt stabbed through him instantly, making his pulse race as he muttered an apology, trying to smile but feeling how empty it was. He wanted to sink into the floor, to shake off this strange, moody side of himself that seemed to come and go without warning.

Was this how he'd be from now on? Unpredictable and moody?

He rubbed his temples, feeling the weight of what he was hiding pressing down on him even harder. How could he even begin to hold himself together when he was already slipping?

It was later that evening when he felt a craving creep up, something unexpected and oddly specific.

Pickles. He desperately wanted pickles.

While watching TV with the others, he'd wandered into the kitchen, recklessly searching through the fridge until his eyes landed on a big jar of pickles. "Found it!" he exclaimed loudly, face beaming.

Without a second thought, he grabbed it, unscrewing the lid and biting down into one, feeling an odd satisfaction as the sourness hit his tongue. He went back into the living room, jar in hand, and when he looked up, he saw the others watching him, confused.

"Since when did you like pickles?" Seungkwan teased, a grin on his face.

Jeonghan shrugged, trying to play it off with a laugh. "Guess my tastes are changing," he said, taking another loud bite, though he felt his cheeks warming under the curious glances.