Ramblings of a Stranger

Loony Bin 10-18-2024

Entry #1

Down the rabbit hole I go once again,
Looking through my soul to find the end,
Pushing through misery, fighting anxiety,
The struggle inside of me that no one can see.

Life passes on by, musical laughter in the sky,
Slowly to realize I have a broken mind.
Negative thoughts racing, happy bits I'm tasting,
Attempts I'm making, but face value I'm faking.

Maybe I'm the yang to someone's yin since my time did begin,
A balance of life that must be kept in universal cohesion.

For good to exist evil must lurk within,
We don't always get ro decide which gets to live in our mind.

Entry #2

Will today be the day I find a new way,
And push my cognitive distortions aside,
Clearing a way for positive thoughts to ride?
A trained brain is what they said I had,
Making way for all that is evil and bad,
Staying strong has only gotten me angry and mad,
Maybe it is time to accept that I need help now,
Take a breath, swallow my pride, and take a bow,
Accepting whatever guidance they may bestow.

Entry #3

Life goes on whether you want it to or not,
There's a balance for everything but I care for it not,
Beautiful weather may be playing outside,
But every emotional feeling I must hide deep inside.
Can't let it out or let it be seen,
It exposes too much of what it is to be me,
Many fake smiles and faces I give out for free,
Too insecure to open up for all to see,
Whatever it is to be a man, to be me,
A father, a husband, a brother, a son you see,
My father is an asshole but my mother still believes,
I need to grab every ounch of energy and go out with a scream.

Entry #4

Stuck in a place with nowhere to go,
A single window to peer out with no show,
Meaningless activities they urge us to do,
An attempt to initiate an emotional breakthrough.
Medication is served several times a day,
Another attempt to keep the bad feelings away,
Although surrounded by various minds,
No connections can be made of the meaningful kind.
When it is time to lay my weary head,
I toss and turn in an uncomfortable bed,
Falling to sleep is not what I dread,
It's when I wake up thinking I'm in my own bed.

Entry #5

Surrounded by faces in the strangest of places,
Mustering my energy to put on my fakest,
Can't let anything show through this facade,
Got to stay guarded throughout the day.
Crack a little smile, give a little laugh,
Make them believe I'm working for the best.
A raging storm taking place n my head,
I'm lucky if it calms when I go to bed..
Too many thoughts to get in order,
Making a wonderful display of my disorder.
Making it hard to think, speak, or talk,
I can't even take a meaningful walk,
In the sun or the moon in a different place,
Somewhere I can feel the air of my face,
To feel founded to this place somehow,
To bring me back in the present here and now.

Entry #6

Just want to sit down to peace and quiet,
Keep in focus all the thoughts that want to riot,
Nerves standing on end sought the farm to buy it,
But forced control to calm myself and a room to hide in,

Entry #7

Will troublesome sorrows affects new tidings tomorrow?
Turning what was to be good into something misunderstood.
Good intentions may go a long way if you have the right things to say,
But mince just a few of your words and bye bye singing birds.
It does not take much to damage a heart, often by an accidental start,
Even knowing you owe an apology, how hard it is to pluck that heart string,
Harder yet still it is to swallow your pride, maybe a little anger in your eye.
Anger at none other than yourself, can't use your tongue like it just melt.

Entry #8

Always going round and round, brain swimming beginning to drown,
Negative energy starting to sound, Every muscle tightly wound,
No way to cope with this now, all of this seems to be breaking down,
Existence is futile on this plain, there is no escape from my brain,
A deep hole that exists inside of me, eating every bit of productivity.