Dancing with Love (a Tom Hiddleston fanfiction) -Book 1-

the moment we break

(Nat's POV)

The dressing room felt like it was closing in on her, the silence between them unbearable. Tom stood across from her, his face pale, his eyes filled with something she couldn't understand, wouldn't understand. How had they gotten here? Less than an hour before their final performance, and she was standing in front of the man she loved, trying to figure out why everything had fallen apart.

"I love you," she'd said earlier, after their costume change. She'd looked him right in the eyes, hoping for something—anything—to come back. But his gaze had been empty, emotionless, like he hadn't even heard her.

And now, she couldn't take it anymore.

Dragging him into their private dressing room, she hadn't even given him a chance to speak before the words started spilling out of her. At first, she was calm, almost gentle, pleading for some explanation. But his silence—his refusal to give her a real answer—only fueled her frustration.

"Tom, please," she said, her voice tight with desperation. "Just talk to me. What's going on with you?"

But instead of an answer, instead of the truth, he just looked at her with that same broken expression. His eyes shimmered with tears he wouldn't let fall, his lips parted slightly like he was trying to find the words but couldn't.

"I love you," he whispered, almost like it was for himself, his voice so quiet it was barely a breath.

Nat's patience snapped. "Stop it! Stop saying that if you don't mean it!" she yelled, her voice echoing off the walls. She hated how raw she sounded, how vulnerable she felt, but she couldn't hold it back anymore. "Is that all you have to say? You keep telling me you love me, but you don't act like it! What the hell is going on, Tom?"

He didn't answer. Just stood there, staring at the floor now, his body tense, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"Are you going to break down again?" she spat, her words sharper than she intended, but she was too far gone to stop. "Is that what this is? Another one of your breakdowns where I'm supposed to just hold you while you say you're sorry? Because I can't do that anymore. I can't keep pretending like everything's fine when it's not."

Tom flinched at her words, his eyes glassy, but he still didn't speak. And that silence—it hurt more than anything he could've said.

"Why won't you just talk to me?" she demanded, her voice rising. "What are you hiding from me? Why do you keep shutting me out?"

He looked at her then, really looked at her, and the anguish in his eyes was almost unbearable.

"I love you," he whispered again, his voice trembling as the tears finally spilled over. He kept repeating it, over and over, like a mantra. "I love you. I love you. I'm sorry. I love you..."

Nat's chest tightened, her frustration and heartbreak mixing together into something almost too painful to bear. "Stop it!" she screamed, her voice cracking. "That's all you've been saying for days! What are you sorry for? What are you hiding?"

Her breath came in short gasps as she stared at him, waiting for him to say something, anything that would make sense of this mess. But he just stood there, repeating those same three words, his voice breaking with each one. It was like he was stuck, unable to tell her the truth.

And then, just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, he finally spoke.

(Tom's POV)

"I love you." The words slipped from his mouth, unbidden, automatic, like a broken record stuck on repeat. He couldn't stop saying it, even as Nat's voice grew louder, more frantic. Her anger lashed at him, and he took it because he knew he deserved it. Because he did love her. He loved her more than he could put into words, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered, because he couldn't tell her the truth.

He couldn't tell her about his ex, about the lawsuit that was closing in on him, threatening to drag his entire life into the mud. He couldn't tell her that he was trying to protect her, to keep her from getting caught up in the mess that was about to explode around him.

No, he couldn't tell her any of that. So he said nothing, just kept whispering "I love you," even though he knew it wasn't enough.

Nat's voice broke through the haze of his own thoughts, sharp and cutting. "Why won't you tell me what's going on? Why do you keep shutting me out? What are you hiding, Thomas?"

The pressure inside him was unbearable, his chest tight with the weight of everything he was holding back. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't keep lying to her, but he couldn't tell her the truth either. So, he gave her the only thing he could. A lie. A horrible, desperate lie that might be enough to make her leave, to push her away like he needed to.

"We can't be together," he blurted out, his voice raw and jagged.

Nat froze, her eyes wide with shock. "What?"

Tom swallowed hard, his throat tight as he forced himself to keep going. "We can't do this anymore. I can't... I can't be the man you need. I'm not good for you."

Her eyes searched his, confusion and pain etched into every line of her face. "What are you talking about? You're the one I need. You're everything to me."

He shook his head, his anger at himself building with every word. He wanted to scream, to punch something, to break down and let her in, but he couldn't. He had to stick to the lie, even though it felt like it was tearing him apart.

"I'm not," he said, his voice firmer now, colder. "I'm not who you think I am. You deserve better, Natasha. You deserve someone who can give you a life, a future. Someone who's not..." He faltered, his mind scrambling for something, anything that would make her believe him. "...someone who's not so broken."

She stared at him, her breath coming in sharp, shallow gasps. "You're not broken," she whispered, shaking her head. "You're not broken. We can get through this. Whatever it is, we can get through it together."

Tom's heart cracked open at her words, at the desperation in her voice. Of course, she would say that. Of course, she would try to stay. That was who she was. But he couldn't let her. He couldn't drag her down with him. Not into this mess. Not when everything was about to fall apart.

"No, Nat," he said, his voice hardening. "We can't get through this one. I don't... I don't want this anymore."

The lie tasted bitter on his tongue, and he hated himself for saying it. He hated the way her face crumpled, the way the light in her eyes dimmed as the words hit her.

"What?" she breathed, her voice barely a whisper. "You don't... you- what?"

He clenched his fists, forcing himself to stay strong, to keep up the lie. "I don't want this," he repeated, each word like a knife to his own heart. "I don't want us."

The silence that followed was deafening. Nat stood there, staring at him like she didn't recognize him anymore. Like the man she loved had disappeared right in front of her.

And in a way, he had.

Because the truth was, he didn't know who he was anymore either. All he knew was that he loved her. But he couldn't keep her. He couldn't protect her from what was coming. The only way to save her was to let her go, even if it destroyed him in the process.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, the words catching in his throat. "I'm so sorry."

But it didn't matter. Nothing he said could undo what he'd just done.