An Empaths' Curse

The Eldest Daughter

I had barely begun to understand the world

And suddenly I was a mother

To children I did not bare

Wiping tears and apologising for pain I did not cause

"I'll make it better" I promised

And so I did

But not for myself

I did it for them.

I crouched behind my closed bedroom door

Ears perked and listening

In case he raised his voice

And when his fists were raised

My body shielded them from the blow

And I screamed

And screamed

And screamed

Till my voice was raw

And my head pounded

Until he finally listened

And so they were never punished again

The same way I was.

I didn't sleep

Until all the lights went out

And I could hear shallow breaths

And soft snores

But when my eyes finally shut

I found I could not rest

So I stayed awake and found comfort in the pages of a book

Longing for an escape I knew would never come

For I chose this life

And I would not allow myself to leave first

In case things went back to how they were before

Over the years,

Their burdens became mine

Because to them, I was safe

And so I carried them

No matter my shoulders ached from slugging the weight of my own troubles

This was the price of a soul which loved too hard

Cursed to be in service of those I cared for

Even when they could not see my own suffering

And while rough hands had become gentle

Sharp tongues still struck me down

And I let it crush me

Because I knew I would rise again

Until I couldn't

And the light faded from my eyes

Till getting out of bed was a battle I fought every morning

And leaving my home became an impossibility

For my frail hands shook too much to open the front door

So I stayed

In the prison of my own making

Till it drove me insane

And my thoughts cursed me

For who was I to blame but myself?

To save them, I traded my life.