Gardenia: A Review Shop

✿﹒{Katie} Crimson Rain﹒％

❀﹒Client: Chloe_Roissere

❀﹒Title: Crimson Rain

❀﹒Reviewer: katiegoesmew

❀﹒Review: 88/140

First impressions: 35/40

Title: 10/10
Well, this is a very appropriate title for a book involving blood rain and a virus that causes animals to bleed internally. Readying my weak stomach. 😉

Story description: 9/10
Okay, first thing, your content is spot on and you have a fantastic hook. You've set the plot up very nicely. I find it interesting that you haven't mentioned a single character, but that's fine. It works without any characters, and that just adds to the mystery pulling the reader into the story.
Your SPAG is solid, but I do have a few stylistic suggestions that I think would punch this up a bit. Shorter phrases can add a snappy, fast edge sometimes, and there are a few areas where I think you could condense a little to achieve that. In the first sentence, you could end it after "later," which adds more mystery because you haven't named where the blood is coming from yet. Then, you could start the second sentence at "Some kind" and change "that dissolves the birds" to "is dissolving birds." I think that would add more shock value here.

Moving on to the next paragraph, adding "More" to the start of the sentence would emphasize the unspoken detail that the virus is spreading, and then I'd add "their" before "eyes," and I think you're fine to put "and" before "mouths" and stop there. The specifics are where you catch reader interest, so softening the list with "and more" or some variation of that dulls the hook a bit, I think. Then, in the next sentence, adding an em dash (—, Alt + 0151) after "source" would make "and ourselves" really stand out more. Ending the paragraph there would further punctuate the point that humans are now in danger.

For the next sentence, whether you leave it at the end of that paragraph or split it into its own, I'd reword a bit because of the two instances of "the possibility." It's a little clumsy feeling to me, and you want this to be a clean, concise statement. I'd cut "The possibility of" from the start and "of sorts" from the middle, for the same reason I cut "and more" in that other sentence. To really punch this up, you could split this sentence in two, ending after "possibility" and changing "but" to "It" to start the next sentence. Or shorten the second sentence even further: "It's real."

I wouldn't do anything with the questions. Ending a blurb with them is a great way to push the hooked reader to start reading, and these do that quite effectively.

Cover: 10/10
I love this cover. At first glance, it's just a blend of reds and blacks, which works with the theme, but looking closer reveals so many details. Birds flying over pine trees; droplets of blood in the foreground, as if they're splattered on a camera lens; a strange three-lobed shape in the background. I love the stylized font for your title and the way you've set your name within it. I'm a little sad about the sticker in the left-hand corner, but I'm assuming you put it there because it covers nothing really important, and it actually goes fairly well with your theme. Plus, you should brag about your achievements.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 6/10

Prologue: This is a good start. The flow of the narrative, starting with a paragraph depicting the general peaceful beauty in Yellowstone Park, ending that paragraph with a short, jarring statement, and then moving into a specific frantic scene when the volcano is about to erupt, is really effective for an action or apocalyptic book. There are quite a few grammar errors throughout, however, and I'll go through all of them in detail, but my only structural suggestion is to move that last sentence from the first paragraph into its own paragraph. That will emphasize the sudden shift in mood more.