the grudge , e. call

seven; positively scared

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Maliah spent twenty minutes anxiously awaiting the results of her pregnancy test. In the time she was waiting, she decided that peeing in a cup was slightly dehumanizing and that if she was pregnant, it would explain a lot. Her nausea, lack of appetite, sometimes extreme hunger. Her dress not fitting. But she was only sixteen, so it had to be negative.

She wasn't ready to be a mom.

A few minutes later the nurse came back in the room carrying Maliah's file and an anxious expression. "Your test was positive. You're pregnant."

Tears slipped from her eyes and fell down her face. "Okay."

"So, we can go over your options if you want," the nurse offered. "I can also get the doctor to refer you to an OB/GYN for your prenatal needs if you decide to keep the pregnancy."

A million thoughts and feelings swirled through Maliah's head. She was scared shitless, suddenly nauseas, afraid of what her mom was thinking, and really wishing Embry was there. She looked at Ilene. "Mommy?" she croaked.

Ilene leaned forward and grabbed Maliah's hand, stroking it. "I'm right here, sweetie. We'll figure it out, I promise. I'm with you."

As the nurse droned on about her abortive options and adoption, Maliah zoned out and questions raced through her mind. Would she tell Embry? Was this big enough to justify getting over her newfound hatred of him? Did she want to be a mom? Could she be a mom?

How much of a choice did she really have? If she got an abortion, word would spread around the reservation and she would become a pariah. But if she stayed pregnant, she would be used as a cautionary tale and would still become a pariah. Even if she gave it up for adoption, she would still be pregnant.

"I'll go get a referral for you and then you can be on your way," the nurse said, pulling Maliah out of her thoughts.

She was gone and back quickly with a OB/GYN referral and Maliah's discharge papers and orders of care. The ride back to their home on the reservation was quiet and tense. Ilene was in thought, Maliah was scared, and Quil was waiting for the drama to unfold.

"Mom?" Maliah asked, looking at her mom from the passenger seat. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

She took a deep breath. "I'm scared."

Ilene nodded. "I know you are, honey. We'll talk about it when we get home."

Clearing his throat, Quil interrupted the tension in the car. "I'm going to be an uncle."

Maliah started to cry and Ilene shot her son a forlorn glance through the rear view mirror. "Not the time, Quil."

When they pulled into the driveway, Ilene sent her son to Jacob's house and took Maliah inside. She held onto her daughter's arm and helped her up the three steps to the front porch. Inside, Ilene poured two glasses of water and sat down with Maliah on the table.

"Were you trying to be safe?" Ilene asked.

Maliah nodded. "I mean, it's not like we had condoms all the time but we did our best."

Her mother sighed. "Okay. In the future, after this whole thing is figured out, we're having a sit down with Tiffany and Embry to have a serious conversation about safe sex." Ilene put her head in her hands. "I should've put you on birth control the second Sam brought your bra home."

"It's not your fault Mom, it's mine," Maliah said tearfully. "And I know I messed up. I'm sorry. I'll get a job and move out if you want. I'm sorry, Mommy."

Terse silence hung in the room and Ilene finally shook her head. "No. You'll get a job, but you'll stay here. What do you think you're doing, moving forward?"

"Like am I going to get an abortion?" Ilene nodded. "I don't think I could do that. And I don't think I could give my baby up either. I can't imagine looking at every little kid and wondering if it's mine."

Ilene nodded again. "You'll get a job and live here until you turn eighteen," she said slowly. Debating whether or not it was the right choice. "I am not your baby's financial support. You made an adult choice when you had sex and getting pregnant is the adult consequence. But I will always support you, my love. You're my little girl."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," Ilene agreed. "I didn't do a good job of raising you and your brother after your dad died. I should've been stricter with you guys, but I wasn't, and that's on me. We're in this together, Maliah. You and me and Quil."

Maliah took a sip of her water. "And Embry."

Ilene repeated, "And Embry. Whether you like it or not, you and him are forever tied together with this baby."

"I'm scared to tell him."

She reached across the table and grabbed her daughter's hands, holding them tightly. "I know it's hard, baby, but you have to tell him," she said. "If your dad was still here and I was in this situation, I wouldn't want you or Quil to go through life wondering why your father didn't want you. Imagine how Embry has grown up without his dad. He deserves to know."

"I know," Maliah sighed.

And she did know.

When Embry and Maliah were ten, Embry begged his mom to send an invitation to his birthday party to his dad. He had begged and pleaded with her saying, "I want him to come just this once, just so I can meet him. And then I won't ever invite him again." He had run to Maliah's house when his mom sent the invite, so happy about the possibility of his dad showing up at his birthday party.

He had said, "I'm double-digits now, this is important. He'll be here."

And when his father never showed up, Maliah offered her shoulder for him to cry on. Ten year old Embry cried for an hour and a half, then sat up and wiped his eyes and said, "He just doesn't love me." And that broke Maliah's little ten year old heart.

After her reflection on Embry six years ago, Maliah decided that she would never put her baby through that if it didn't have to. She was sure that Embry was going to be involved, it was just a matter of telling him.

....::::**•°✾°•**::::....

ivy speaks!

in the wake of election results and policy proposition, know how and where you can access safe abortions should you need one. banning abortions does not eliminate them, it eliminates safe abortions. if you're in the u.s. or anywhere for that matter, SPEAK UP. your voice deserves to be heard.

(this is not an invitation to argue about politics i'm not shy about deleting comments. don't be an asshole.)

on a lighter note: maliah is preggers you guys. how is she going to tell embry???? we'll find out soon i suppose.