Beneath Her Smile

6.

The night was quiet, thick with a tension Vivienne could feel in her bones as she paced her apartment. She replayed Noah's words, his lingering glances, the questions he'd whispered about Celine—questions she had thought he'd left behind. She rubbed her temples, breathing heavily, trying to stave off the wave of panic rising inside her. It had been years since that night, years since she'd closed the chapter on Celine's memory, and yet here it was again, clawing its way back.

Vivienne knew she needed to see him, to feel the warmth of his embrace, to remind herself that their love was real and that what she'd done had all been for them. With a shaky breath, she grabbed her coat and hurried to Noah's apartment. Her thoughts were jumbled, but one thing was clear: she couldn't let him slip away. Not now.

When she arrived, she knocked softly, hoping he'd be alone. Noah opened the door, a look of concern instantly crossing his face. "Vivienne?" he said softly, ushering her in. "It's late... is everything okay?"

She nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Yes, I just... I couldn't sleep. I needed to see you." She forced a smile, but the look in his eyes told her he could see right through it.

He took her hand and led her to the couch, sitting close beside her, searching her face. "Is something on your mind?"

Vivienne felt the words bubbling up inside her, threatening to burst out, to confess everything right there. But she couldn't bring herself to do it, not with the fear of losing him looming so heavily over her. "I've been thinking about us, Noah," she began quietly. "Sometimes I just wonder if I'm... enough for you."

Noah's eyebrows furrowed, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "Vivienne," he said, his voice warm and steady, "you are more than enough. I don't know what I would've done without you these last few years."

She leaned into him, feeling her body relax, even as her mind remained a whirlwind. "I'm just scared sometimes," she whispered. "I don't want to lose you."

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere." He paused, looking down at her with a serious expression. "Vivienne, you know I'm here for you, too, right? You can talk to me about anything."

The sincerity in his eyes was too much to bear. She turned her head slightly, hiding her face from him, hoping he couldn't see the turmoil etched there. "I know," she replied softly. "I'm just... afraid sometimes."

"Afraid of what?" he asked gently, tilting her chin up so she had to look at him.

Her mind raced, her heart pounding in her chest as she struggled to keep her composure. "Afraid of losing you... afraid that one day, something might come between us," she said, the words heavy with an unspoken truth.

Noah's expression softened, and he leaned closer, his voice tender. "Vivienne, nothing could come between us. I mean that." He took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "You mean everything to me. After Celine, I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone again. You brought me back to life."

The mention of Celine struck her like a knife. The name that was supposed to be forgotten, left behind in the shadows. Her stomach twisted, and the guilt she'd managed to bury clawed its way to the surface.

"I... I'm so glad I could be there for you," she said, struggling to keep her voice steady. "You... you deserve happiness, Noah."

Noah smiled, pulling her into a tight embrace. She closed her eyes, relishing the warmth of his arms, but the weight of her secret bore down on her. She loved him more than anything; her guilt was now tied not to her actions, but to the love he had for her—untainted, pure, a love she felt unworthy of.

As he held her, Noah's voice broke the silence. "You know... there are still things I don't understand about that night. About what happened with Celine." His voice was soft, but each word sent a chill down her spine.

Vivienne pulled away just enough to look up at him, her heart hammering. "Noah, sometimes... sometimes there aren't answers. Maybe it's better to leave it in the past."

"I know," he said, sighing. "But it just doesn't make sense. She was fine that day, you know? Happy, even. I just... sometimes I wonder if I missed something."Vivienne felt a pang of fear, but she forced herself to stay calm. She placed a gentle hand on his cheek, offering a sad smile. "Noah, you didn't miss anything. Celine... maybe she was dealing with things she didn't share. You can't blame yourself."

He nodded slowly, though she could see the shadow of doubt still lingering in his gaze. "I know you're right," he said, squeezing her hand. "It's just hard to accept."

In an attempt to comfort him, she leaned forward and kissed him, hoping to redirect his thoughts, to replace his doubts with the certainty of their love. He kissed her back, holding her close, and for a moment, she allowed herself to believe that everything would be okay.

But as the days passed, Noah's questions didn't fade. He would bring up Celine's name, recalling memories, moments he'd shared with her. Each time he did, Vivienne felt a pang of unease, the weight of her secret pressing down on her more heavily than ever.

One evening, as they were finishing dinner at Noah's apartment, he brought out Celine's old journal, flipping through the pages thoughtfully. Vivienne's heart skipped a beat at the sight, but she forced herself to remain calm, watching him carefully.

"It's strange," he murmured, his eyes scanning the pages. "Going through her things after all this time... it feels like she's still here, like there's a part of her I never really knew."

Vivienne swallowed, her voice barely a whisper. "What do you mean?"

He glanced up at her, his gaze searching. "I mean, I loved her... but sometimes I wonder if I understood her. Why she would do what she did, or if there was something I missed."

Vivienne felt her chest tighten, a panic bubbling beneath her calm exterior. She had spent so long building a life with him, so long convincing herself that she was his only sanctuary. Now, the memory of Celine was threatening to pull him away from her, to unearth the secret she had fought so hard to keep buried.
"Sometimes," she said carefully, "we have to accept that we may never have all the answers."
Noah closed the journal, his hand lingering on its cover. He looked at her, a trace of suspicion in his gaze. "Do you ever think that people have sides to them that we can't see? That maybe there's more than they let on?"

Vivienne felt her heart pound in her chest, but she forced herself to stay calm. "Maybe," she replied softly. "But I think that's normal. We all have things we keep to ourselves."

He nodded, though he didn't look convinced. "You're probably right."

As he stood up to put the journal away, Vivienne's mind raced, her thoughts consumed by the possibility that he might discover the truth. She had fought so hard to build a life with him, to bury the past, but with each passing day, it felt like Celine's memory was rising to the surface, threatening to shatter the life she had so carefully constructed.

That night, as they lay in bed, Vivienne found herself watching him as he slept. She traced a finger lightly across his face, memorizing every line, every feature. He was everything to her, the only thing in her life that felt real and untainted. And for the first time, she felt a pang of guilt—not for what she'd done, but for the love he gave her, a love she felt she didn't deserve.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I did it all for you."

Noah stirred beside her, reaching for her hand in his sleep, pulling her close. And as he held her, Vivienne felt a tear slip down her cheek, the weight of her actions pressing heavily on her. But she knew, no matter the cost, she would do whatever it took to keep him—to keep their love, her sanctuary, even if it meant living with the ghost of Celine forever.