The Weight of Tomorrow (A Marina Story)

Chapter Thirteen

The following two days found Maya resting at home, relying on painkillers to manage the discomfort from her muscle contusion. Fortunately, her burns were healing relatively quickly since they were minor and superficial. However, Maya's frustration began to mount as she struggled to help care for Andrea. Simple tasks like bottle-feeding and rocking her daughter to sleep became increasingly difficult due to the pain in her arm.

Carina noticed Maya's struggles and would often take Andrea from her, trying to support her wife. Yet, this only fueled Maya's frustration further; she felt as if she was failing her daughter by not being able to fully participate in her care. The feeling of helplessness weighed heavily on her.

To make matters worse, Maya was unable to return to work for another two days, deepening her feelings of uselessness. With the extended time at home, her mind began to wander, constantly fixating on the upcoming tests that were soon approaching, now just a few days away.

She tried her hardest to keep these anxious thoughts from Carina, who was already tired from virtually caring full-time for Andrea. Maya didn't want to add any extra stress to her wife. However, Carina knew Maya inside and out; it didn't take long for her to realize there was something more troubling Maya than just her injury.

It was the evening before Maya was due to return to work, where she would be assigned desk duty—better than nothing, but still not ideal. Carina had just put Andrea down for the night when she sat Maya down on the couch for a much needed talk.

"Bambina, what's going on in that head of yours?" Carina asked gently once they were settled on the couch.

Maya quickly attempted to reassure her. "I'm fine. I just want to get back to work and for everything to feel normal again. I think this injury hit me harder than I thought it would," she admitted, partially truthful about her mood.

"Hmm, that's understandable," Carina replied, her tone soft but probing. "But I know there's something else bothering you... Is it... is it your tests?"

Maya avoided the question, looking down instead.

Carina took her hand. "Because, bambina, it's okay to feel scared, anxious... even angry. Those feelings are all normal."

Maya closed her eyes, and when she opened them, a small tear escaped, rolling down her chin. "I don't know... I don't know how I feel. But what if the cancer is back, Carina? What will that mean for us? We have a daughter now... I can't help take care of her if I'm sick again..."

Releasing Carina's hand, Maya stood up and began to pace the room. Carina remained silent, allowing Maya to gather her thoughts, knowing she needed patience to find the right words.

"Carina... I had a minor injury this week, and I still couldn't help you. I felt useless... You had to do it all by yourself, and that's not what a partner or a mom should have to do. I failed at being good at both this week."

"Bambina... I—"

"No, Carina, it's the truth. You're exhausted because I couldn't help with night feeds or change Reya's diapers—all because I hurt my arm. And if I'm... if I'm sick again, like last time, I already know I wouldn't be able to help, and... and—"

At that moment, Carina stepped in, realizing Maya was on the brink of a full-blown panic attack. While she was devastated to see her wife in distress, she had anticipated this reaction as the date of Maya's tests approached.

She quickly guided Maya to sit on the arm of the couch, encouraging her to breathe. "Eyes on me, Maya, only on me." They breathed together until Maya gradually calmed and could speak again.

"You're okay, bambina," Carina said as she pulled Maya into a comforting hug.

Once Maya was settled, Carina gently urged her to move from the arm of the couch to the cushions. Maya remained silent, still lost in her thoughts.