NINE
✩❄︎☾❄︎✩
Adair's POV
40 minutes.
Full 40 minutes of me constatntly noting down notes and bouncing my right leg under the desk to calm down my erratic nerves which is partially because of the teacher's sudden questions to any random student in the class and partially because of the feeling of being constantly stared at from the back.
I maybe overreacting and he may not be even looking at me but it has been a habit of my brain to make me feel as though everyone in the public are constantly looking at me and no, not in a positive way of admiration, awe or anything like that. Even an accicidental glance from someone makes me feel like that maybe they were looking at me and I delude myself into thinking that the look in their eyes is of pure mock. For what , I'm not sure. Maybe it's about the way I look, maybe my outfit looks weird, my hair, maybe it's the way I cary myself or maybe it's the way I always look kinda spaced out.
That's why in some sense I feel like overthinking is both a blessing and a curse. Maybe because most of the overthinkers have a vast imagination. Both in a negative and a positive way.
Sitting in a classroom, in a family dinner among your group of friends or any public place you could just escape the reality by imagining yourself in your favourite book with your favourite fictional characters, a person who everyone looks upto. You could have a healthy relation with your parents, you could live your favourite childhood memories, when your father would suddenly pick you up and swing you around, your younger sibling is shouting for their turn, your mother is recording the scene as a cherished memory while the only sound you could hear is of your own laughter and your siblings' giggles and your parents' chuckles.
You're no longer a burnt out student who once could bring A+ grades without even trying and now struggles to solve the most basic of questions, now you transport back to the time when you were considered a gifted child, when you would solve all the homework just to get it over with and go to play with your friends.
You're no longer just a leaning shoulder for others, you're no longer just the therapist member of the family.
You're no longer just a responsible yet an inadequate child of your parents.
You're no longer just an awful older sister to your brother when all you're trying to do is juggle up various responsibilities.
But then there is no denying the fact that overthinking is the cause of anxiousnes, anger and depression.
Your own mind will push you to the brink of madness. A simple glance from a stranger will make you doubt your makeup, your hair, your outfit, your whole appearance.
Simply being pointed out in class will make you think how others would be laughing at you secretly.
Having a big group of friends and you would still be feeling left out because your mind just can't accept the fact that you're accepted anywhere.
The feeling when you get when you don't know whether your friends sincerely like you or just pity you for always being alone, whether the person you consider your bestfriend considers you as their bestfriend too or just a spare friend.
The self-doubt you feel when someone you like look at you because you can't decipher the look in their eyes which could range from disgust to pity to just a usual glance.
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A Daughter's Chronicles
General FictionAdair Chevron was a girl with goals, ambitions, determination and most of all hope. Hope that all of her hard-work would one day pay off. With an intense need to prove herself burning within her, she is burning out but what if her warmth was reachin...