Wanted || A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction (English Version)

Chapter 10

"What happened?" Barnes asked carefully and I tapped the free side of my bed, telling him to sit down.
"I remembered something again," I said monotonously as he sat down, keeping his distance from me.
He looked at me questioningly and confused.
"The day you found out about Steve," I continued, answering his unspoken question.
As soon as I had said my sentence, I could have sworn I saw something break inside him and inexplicable guilt overcame me.
I had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump that was forming.
"I want to remember, Barnes. Everything, but it only comes in small sequences that only raise more questions. I'm starting to go insane," I said brokenly and looked down at myself.
I felt Barnes move closer to me and his hand on my chin.
He gently pushed my head back up and forced me to look at him.
"You'll remember again, Y/N. I know it," he said with such conviction that I almost believed it too.
"And how? At this rate, it will take a decade for me to remember everything again..." I replied.
"Let Banner and Tony help you. In case you missed it, they are the smartest minds here. I will deny that if you ever tell them I said that," he replied, laughing.
„Try to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
With that he left my room again, leaving my alone with my thoughts.
I knew so little and yet I felt deeply connected to Barnes in some way. The way he found a way to always cheer me up made my heart warm.
Even tho that familiarity scared me, I decided to go along with it.
Even if it would only be to finally destroy Hydra.

After Barnes I slept for a little longer, or atleast tried to, I left my room early in the morning.
I was exhausted, but I still got up and jumped into the shower.
My mind was desperate for answers so I hurried and after I had some breakfast I left my room to work on a solution with Banner in his lab.
Somehow there had to be a way to regain my memories faster.

I was walking past the living room when I heard someone talking excitedly.
I leaned quietly against the wall and was particularly careful to remain undetected this time.
„You can't send her on a mission in this condition, Tony!" I heard Barnes say, his voice sounding agitated.
„You know as well as I do that she's more than capable. After Banner has finished his tests, Steve will prepare her. We'll leave tomorrow morning. That's my final word, Barnes!" he answered him in a threatening tone.
„Then I'll go with her," Barnes replied.
I registered his nearing footsteps almost to late, panicking because he would catch me eavesdropping on their conversation any moment.
Quickly I turned on my heels and ran to the elevator, noticing his footsteps closing in on me.
Rapidly I pressed the elevator button to close the doors, but it was too late.
"Y/N?" I heard him call as the elevator doors finally closed.

Letting the breath out I didn't know I was holding, the elevator drove down to the basement.
A light Ding told me the doors opened again, but it took me a second to clear my thoughts and step into the hallway of the labs.
Still a bit shaken I went into the main lab, spotting Banner deep in some work.
"Hey, Banner. Time for the tests?" I asked kindly, not wanting to startle him.
"Oh! Hi, Y/N. Why don't you sit down?" he replied with a friendly smile and pointed to the chair next to him.
I did as he asked me to, fidgeting at my fingers.
Test always made me giddy, pulling deep buried memories to the surface.
"Before we start the tests, there are a few things we need to discuss,"
Knowingly he put his hand over mine, attempting to calm my nerves.
Surprisingly it did work a bit and after taking another deep breath I nodded in agreement.
"So, first tell me how far back you can remember," he said gently.
It seemed as if he was afraid of scaring me away with this question.
Normally he would have been, but the desire to completely regain my memory was now too strong.
"I remember being imprisoned by Hydra and then the two years I spent in hiding, up until today. But I don't know how long I was with Hydra," I said confidently, trying to suppress the emerging memories of that time.
„You were there for less than three years, Y/N," he then stated, looking at me with concern.
My pulse began to race as I realized that I had forgotten a lot of my life.
I always assumed that I had been in the hands of Hydra my entire life, but his statement proved me more and more wrong.
"How old am I, Banner?" I dared to ask.
I had to know how many years of my life I had lost due to my amnesia.
It took him a while to answer, but after swallowing hard he looked at me.
"You're over 50 years old, Y/N," awaiting my reaction.
Strangely, I wasn't shocked.
I was... hurt? My heart ached deep in my chest.
I was grieving and it felt like drowning.
I had forgotten several decades of my life.
I had forgotten my childhood and my family.
I had forgotten how I joined the Avengers and then fell into the hands of Hydra.
Only the torture and the people whose blood I shed had stuck in my mind.
"Banner, I need to know more. Please," I said almost pleadingly, my eyes tearing up.
He stroked his face once and took a deep breath as he paced nervously up and down.
He stopped abruptly and looked at me intently.
"The risk of all the memories flooding you at once and putting you into a catatonic state is too big, Y/N," he replied resolutely, but this answer left me unsurprisingly cold.
I simply had to know more and was determined to take that risk.
„It's worth it, Banner," I answered confidently.
He sat back down nervously on the chair next to me and leaned on his knees.
He just looked at me for a moment before he began to speak.
"Telling you could make your mind shut down, Y/N."
Banner looked at me seriously and raised his eyebrows to show the urgency of his statement. "I'm not me anymore. There's no good in being the shell I once was," I replied, taking a deep breath to prepare myself for what was to come.
„Ok, alright."
He took another deep breath and I almost felt bad for making him do this.
He seemed like a good person and it would burden him a lot if it went wrong, but I just had to know.
"We freed you from Hydra's captivity on one of our missions. We don't know exactly how long you had been there, but we knew you were a threat. They had turned you into a perfect weapon with an advanced super soldier serum and mind control. We had already dealt with a situation like this, so we tried to rehabilitate and resocialize you. It took us 2 years until you found your humanity again. From then on you became part of our team until a mission went wrong and Hydra managed to reactivate you. We tried to find you, but when we finally had a lead a year ago, you had already fled and gone into hiding,"
He talked almost to fast for me to comprehend what he was saying.
I tried to let what he just told me sink in, but when I felt an urge in my limps, I jumped up and ran out of the lab to the elevator.
„F.R.I.D.A.Y., take me to the roof."