never yours

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i thought it was all okay now
because things have been good
and ive been happy
but when i'm left alone
with my thoughts,
images of you
and the things you said to me,
so carelessly,
and so easily,
come back.
i can hear your voice
and feel your touch
and it hurts.
i know youre gone
and it's done
but you still haunt me
even though you don't know it.
you know what?
you're happy
and you're getting on with your life.
so why can't i
when i was just the victim
in what you saw as a game
when to me
it was my life,
my happiness,
my comfort,
my safety.
i was your plaything.
not even a human.
not even a young, naive girl.
not yours.
never yours.

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