Lost It All

the act.

I was awoken to the sound of gun shots coming from downstairs.

The sound of the shots kept going over and over again. And it gave me an aching sensation in my body almost like I knew what was about to happen.

Like this has already happened ten times before and I'm just re-living it.

I get up reaching for my glasses I'd just gotten putting them on my face I stood up looking around first out the window then out into the hallway.

I walk slowly into the hallway each step getting heavier than the last, maybe I was tired I thought.

nothing in my life would have ever prepared me for the tragedy and trauma I would live with after what I saw.

As I'm going down the hall, I look in my parents room and see nobody.

Emptiness. 

"Mom? Are you there?" I say taking my last step before standing there.

"This isn't a funny prank mom!" 

I turned the corner and make my way down the steps.

As keep going down the stairs, I turned the corner again to see my living room, there was blood everywhere.

My mom in the middle on the couch lying there limp blood everywhere.

Her blood everywhere.

"DAD! WHERE ARE YOU!"

****

The living room is blocked off with a bunch of police men and other officials investigating the scene.

I bite my nails, anxiously. 

I look to the left and I see my younger brother Sean crying in the arms of our dad.

My dad was standing there, he didn't even have emotion in his face.

He didn't even look sad.

He looked.. Almost happy?

Maybe that's just the way he grieves. 

In that moment I felt as if my whole world fell apart all I wanted was to be in my dad's arms.

But this all felt like an act, It feels weird.