Random stories in my notes that I come back to at 2am in a school morning

Art In Mocking Chemistry

Lesares is an artificially made human. She's basically a robot coded with human characteristics and thought processes with the addition that she can process information quickly, doesn't age past the golden age: 30, and most of the time, and she doesn't hurt from physical cuts. 

However, she can suffer from anything that's injecting into her system, despite not aging (in physical appearances) past 30, that does not mean she can not die. She can die. An example is her core being ripped out from her body in extensive periods of time or being melted.

Lesares was raised in a tube in a lab with blurry mirages that she grew up in an orphanage until she was broken out of those visions by her brother through coded means (aka a biological term for other artificial humans that were made along and after Lesares and Jaieus, her brother)

After they broke out of the lab, the two lived in the streets, trying not to catch the attention of people possibly out for them and trying to fit into natural human society. 

*You know, the society that was born from sex and out of a woman's vagina instead of blue tank.*

Following a year of living in the streets and stealing what they can to survive, they were brought in by a rather comfortable class family. Jaieus had his skeptics, but Lesares just wanted her brother to take a break. It took a while for Jaieus to really feel comfortable in the family, Lesares being the one to mostly show that the family was safe in the first place.

The family taught her a wonderful thing, something even more wonderful than learning, whatever her processor absorbed in the lab, and that was—*art*. Beautiful paintings full of meaning, full of something. Everything that wasn't just piles of information full of facts, what the wonderful hues showed her a world beyond science could ever recreate.

And so she aspired, she felt aspiration, and so she practiced. She learned, she drew, colored, and painted. But in Lesares' eyes, it was never enough. It wasn't the anatomy or how color theory worked—no, because art was passed science, but all she learned from before was anything but that, and how was she supposed to make something as admiring as the paintings her father first showed her when it was information absorbed more into her processor than emotion?

Years go by living in the same cycles of learning, to giving up, to picking up a pencil, and repeating. When she reached her teens, she started to accept into her nature, to her style and confidence of art—that it all wasn't cold emotion, she was molded into a blue filled tube.

That was until certain life events, *family* events, that all the confidence she was gradually starting to accept crumble. 

Her parents were exposed in public for some misgivings that were apparently largely inappropriate to society at the time, like being in a homosexual relationship. Business died, and her other dad was sent to prison for torturing a guy who probably deserved it, and the government was taking away the family's money per the public's request. The comfort that Lesares very much accepted earlier into her life was being taken away from her, and she's back to square one, not really living in the streets, but their money was tight and she felt the guilt of having to eat most of the meals her brother had skipped while living in the streets.

She had repressed this long feeling of dread since being accepted into her new family, but she really hated living in the streets. Looking at her brother struggling, keeping a roof above their head, buying Lesares proper clothes, and still teaching the young girl morals despite stealing in order to live to teach those morals in the first place. But hearing her brother saying he'd prefer those times than the lab while Lesares preferred the opposite made her feel guilty, and in time, she repressed that feeling.

Now she was back there, back to preferring luxury than freedom. Was that so wrong? Her new siblings were struggling to keep up meals, and her brother was slowly reverting back to his 'I'm angry at the world' state. Jaieus argued with their new siblings about a few things that could get them back on their feet, but they were getting nowhere from pride and brooding.

And then the topic of Lesares' future had reached.

Jaieus almost spoke in a tight voice that Lesares deserved a happy future. But she knew otherwise, and that meant something more successful than practice she was teaching herself so bad these years. Lesares knew that Jaieus and even her new siblings wanted the best for the youngest to be back in that comfortable financial state, but she knew that continuing with her aspirations was an exception to that.

So Lesares bit her tongue, and she went back to formulas, to facts, to the science, tables, and graphs. She drowned herself in it. She used her quick absorbing information feature that was coded into her being to gain a scholarship in a chemistry program (she felt as though she was cheating in life). After that, she graduated with two degrees in chemistry and biology. She was awarded. Got into a well paying job. Lesares lived back into the comfortable life.

But she also went back into feeling that she was nothing but a robot, an artificial being incapable of emotion, incapable of producing it like she did in art. Art was long buried along with the father who taught a robot child of it in the beginning. 

Except, she saw everything in her job that reminded her of it. The reactions, the colors, the hues, and the equipment, she saw art in them more than she was pursuing it in her earlier life. As though it was mocking her for turning elsewhere. Taunting to come back, to give all her hard work into reverting herself back into a workaholic human that she was made to be to waste. But her aspirations for art were also hard-earned. 

Was it all going to waste as well?