last hope

Chapter 9

'You are such a pain in the arse, you know that?' Yoongi throws his phone, and Hoseok can't help but sigh as it hits the sofa and not the floor. He didn't want to listen to Yoongi bitch about how it was his fault the screen was smashed.

'Did you follow me?' Hoseok turns to see his roommate silhouetted against the harsh lights of the corridor. It's a stupid question, but he doesn't know what else to say.

'Of course I followed you, you idiot,' Yoongi hisses, slamming the door as he crosses the space between them. 'What was I supposed to do? Let you walk home, drunk and alone?'

'Why not?' Hoseok takes an involuntary step back as Yoongi invades his personal space. 'You could have stayed at the party.'

Yoongi reaches out, his fingers closing around thin air as he makes a fist, before letting it drop to his side.

'Why?' Yoongi looks at Hoseok, his eyes tired and pleading.

Hoseok looks away, unable to hold his gaze. 'Why what?'

'Why are you doing this to me?'

Hoseok's eyes snap back to Yoongi before he can think better of it. The other man looks... afraid. Hoseok doesn't know how to process the emotion he's seeing on Yoongi's face. He just stares at him, studying the dark circles under his eyes, the way his lips turn down at the corners.

'What did I do wrong?'

Hoseok does look away then, running his hands through his hair. His fingers catch on the stupid cat ears and he throws them across the room. Yoongi doesn't flinch. His eyes never leave Hoseok's face.

'Nothing,' Hoseok says. His voice is quiet and weak. 'You didn't do anything.'

'Then why are you acting like this?' Yoongi takes another step forward, and Hoseok holds his breath. They're close enough now that he could touch him, if he dared.

'I'm not-'

Yoongi scoffs. 'Don't you dare tell me you're not treating me differently. That you're not pushing me away. What the hell have I done?'

Hoseok still can't speak. The alcohol and the stress is making his head ache, and he can't focus on one thought long enough to form an answer.

'Seok, please,' Yoongi reaches out again, and this time his hands grip onto Hoseok's shoulders. Hoseok squeezes his eyes shut. Everything is just too much. The ache in his head. The tightness of his clothes against his sweaty skin. The heaviness of Yoongi's grip on his shoulders. Seok.

'I can't,' Hoseok shakes his head, his eyes still firmly closed. 'I can't do it, I'm sorry.'

'I can't live like this Hoseok,' Yoongi whispers, and Hoseok forces himself to open his eyes. 'I can't live with you avoiding me, and not knowing what I did to deserve it.'

Hoseok swipes at his eyes angrily. His traitorous body leaking tears as he fights the urge to run away and hide.

'You haven't done anything wrong,' he says again, his voice still soft. 'It's not you, hyung.'

Yoongi sniffs, letting one of his hands drop from Hoseok's shoulder. 'Then what is it? Does your boyfriend not like you being friends with me? Is that it?'

Something snaps in Hoseok then. Some little part of his brain short circuits and he feels his cheeks heating as he takes a step forward.

'I don't have a boyfriend, hyung,' Hoseok says, his voice finally filling the space between them. 'I never did.'

'But,' Yoongi frowns. 'But you said-'

'No, you said I had a boyfriend. I just didn't correct you.' he runs his hands through his hair again, his chest heaving. 'I never had a boyfriend.'

'Then what's all this about?' Yoongi shouts now, but he isn't angry. His voice is high and desperate. 'Why are you avoiding me? Why can't you even look at me properly?'

'Because when I look at you, I want to kiss you.' Hoseok sobs. His voice cracks and he hates it, but the words are pouring out of him now. He couldn't stop them if he tried. 'When I look at you, I want to hold you and tell you that I am hopelessly, ridiculously, embarrassingly in love with you. And then I want to do some other things which I won't tell you, even though I am drunk and I could probably get away with it.'

'You're,' Yoongi blinks at him. 'you're what?'

'So there,' Hoseok nods. 'I hope you're happy. Now you won't be able to look at me either.'

Hoseok shoves past him, even though there is plenty of room to walk around him.

Yoongi grabs Hoseok's arm as he passes, but Hoseok shrugs him away. He doesn't want to deal with Yoongi's disgust. Or even worse, his pity.

'Hoseok,' Yoongi sighs, moving to follow him.

'Please don't,' Hoseok shakes his head, pausing briefly as he opens his bedroom door. 'I'm sorry, hyung.'

The door shuts behind him, and he collapses onto his bed. He doesn't lock the door, but Yoongi doesn't come after him. He buries his head in his pillow, and finally lets his tears fall.