Love Worth Dancing For: A Bigbang Fanfiction

You Bastard

I quietly inched down the hallway, spending every second to myself thinking about what was about to happen. Taking the smallest steps I could without stalling too much, I reevaluated everything I had planned for my confrontation with Jiyong. After the three boys had left my room, I spent the rest of that day thinking about every possible think I could do. Finally, after hours of brainstorming, I decided to go for a more simple approach with a hard-hitting message.

That night, I took a piece of paper and a pencil, sat down, and wrote everything. Whatever crossed my mind at the time was jotted down on that paper. I talked about the moment I met him to the moment we first kissed and everything after that. I confessed that I was sorry for withholding information from him, since honesty is one of the most important requirements in a serious relationship. But there was one memory that I mentioned in greater detail than the other parts. That memory was of the time Jiyong took me to that hidden garden in Europe and showed me the beautiful view.

For some reason, it was one of the biggest moments supporting the fact of how hard he strived to give me the world. So, I decided to write this letter and give him a special gift in return. Included with the letter was a newly-bloomed, white starflower. It symbolized the stars we had gazed up at that night, and the sparkling future we had planned to share together. That is, until everything fell apart.

Clutching the flower in my hand and the letter in the other, I silently prayed that he would accept my apologetic offerings. Finally, I turned the last corner leading to hallway that Jiyong was staying in. His room was behind one of the closest doors, which only made me feel more nervous. I didn't feel ready. I felt like there was something more I had to do, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Sucking in a deep breath, I glanced down at the letter and the flower one last time before knocking on the door. A few seconds later, it swung open, revealing a distraught Jiyong. Or was it even him? I was shocked to see a withering and sleep-deprived drunkard, much unlike the calm and collected gentleman I knew. His cheekbones were sunken and dark circles lined the bottom of his glassy, brown eyes. His hair was an absolute mess, strands sticking out all over the place, and he constantly swayed back and forth. I had to withhold a gasp as my eyes met an empty beer bottle in his hand.

"What do you want, Jae?" he grumbled.

"I-I..." I was completely appalled. How had he gotten so weak?

"Well?" he snapped irritably, "Say what you've got to say. Otherwise, leave me to my sulking."

Regaining my composure, I anxiously held out the letter and flower to him. He eyed them for a long time as if he couldn't quite process what he was seeing. After what seemed like forever, he finally took a step back inside and reached for the doorknob. Knowing what he was about to do, I speedily stopped the door with my foot before he could even move it. I wasn't done with him just yet.

"Jiyong, wait!" I cried as he attempted to pull the door shut. Realizing I was holding it open with my foot, he groaned and released the doorknob.

"What?"

Holding out the two items once more, I pleaded, "Just give me a chance, and take this! I want you to remember us as we were before when all we saw was our love for each other. If you could just listen to me, then maybe we could start over again. I mean, what's love without mistakes, right? We all have to suffer to learn and make things better!"

I stared hopefully into his eyes, searching for a sign of understanding. But all I saw was sadness. Silently turning away, he sighed, "No. Love is about mistakes, but sometimes the lesson you learn teaches you to move on."

"And what if this lesson is supposed to teach us to forgive?" I asked, a hint of desperation forming in my voice.

"Trust me, it's not." Running his hands through his disheveled hair, he grimaced and bit his lip as if he was attempting to hold back tears. "Jae, I'm sorry, but I've given up. I've tried so hard to make you as happy as possible, but you end up cheating on me anyways. I wish we could still be together like we were in the past, and I still have so much love for you deep in my heart, but I'm afraid it'll never be the same."