Gus

My First Party

A little after my 27th birthday, Ash announced he was leaving the business.
He said his family was moving to the "Big City," which he had to explain to some people was New York City. He told us his wife wanted to pursue a dancing career and she thought the Big Apple was the best place to get a good start.

Us co-workers decided that since Ash had one of the longest-lasting careers here, he deserves a little treat. We convinced Sasonbury to throw a mini going-away party in the main room for Ash. He said, "You can have your party, but not in my business. I don't want to be in charge of you if you end up drunk or dead or something."
So, we all got a day off and planned with his family to set up the party at his house as a surprise. On his last day, everyone acted completely normal in the main room, as if everybody had forgotten he was leaving. Even Carol, Terence, and I joined in on the normalness. Of course, Ash seemed surprised and disappointed, but he continued on with his day as usual. Near the end of the day's shift, people began leaving early to head over to Ash's house to make sure everything was ready. His wife, children parents, dogs, and cousins were already there. Carol distracted Ash for a while so they were the last ones to leave.
Carol walked him to his house and once he opened the door, everyone yelled "SURPRISE!" Ash was ecstatic over the party everybody had thrown for him, and we all celebrated with presents, pictures, and goodbyes.

During the last 20 minutes of the party, I was getting some punch when a familiar face approached me. It was Kelly's cousin, who I now knew as Lina.
"Hi," Lina said.
"Hey. Great party, right?" I asked.
"Yeah. Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what?"
"Would you say you knew Tessa or Kelly Hick better?"
I gulped in my head. "I dunno... Kelly, maybe?"
"Okay, good. Because I talked to her and she wants to see you."
My eyes widened a little. "She wants to see me?"
Lina chuckled a little. "Yeah, is something wrong with that?"
"No, no! I'd be happy to see her."
"Okay, well... she didn't tell me where she lived exactly, but I know it's in a northern part of Richmond. She said to look for the house with the tulips in front."
She walked away and I quietly began saying "yes.. yes... yes..." to myself. The first real party I ever attended and I got the clue of an address of a girl already. Goddamn, life is going pretty well for me.

***************
I said that too soon.

Two weeks after the going away party, my mother overdosed in my old home and died immediately. The investigators of her death said she was depressed for a very long time, leading the death to be ruled as a suicide. They found unsent letters written to me apologizing and begging me to come home. Though the investigators offered me to read the letters, I only read one of them---the last one written.

Gus, my baby,
I hope if you're getting this, it means I got enough courage to actually send you this. I could have just walked to your house, but my legs aren't what they used to be.
Though I am probably the last person you want to talk to right now, I just want you to know that I love you. I always did and I always will. You know nothing will change that. I know since your childhood, my drinking has driven you away from me. I am so, so, so sorry for that. I had absolutely no control over my habits... they got the better of me. If I could, I wish I could just go back and redo the last 25 years of my life, just for you, my baby.
I remember when you were 5 years old, and we were in the playground. You were on the jungle gym and saw a pigeon fly above your head on that crazy contraption you were climbing. I remember you screaming, "Birdie!" and you grabbed the pigeon's foot! It tried to fight its way off you but when it did one of its feathers fell off and landed on your head! Oh my, and then you grabbed the feather, climbed down, and came to me, shouting "Mommy, mommy, look! The birdie gave me one of its featers!" You always pronounced the word 'feathers' wrong. Do you remember that, Gus?

I did. I remembered it as clear as day.

I'm writing this quickly because I'm sober right now but I plan to have some whiskey after I finish this letter. I hope all is well with your job and life overall. Write soon, or you could just come over to my house. You know the address.
Sinseerly,
Your Loving Mother

Just like I couldn't pronounce 'feathers,' she could never spell 'sincerely' right. It must have been genetic.