Broken [#wattys2016]

Chapter 12

It's been two months since Me and Michael were dating. Days flew quickly when I'm with him, he keeps me happy and distracted from everything. Every night he takes me on a different date. Everything is perfect .He is so sweet and caring, he makes me feel loved and wanted, I feel safe around him. But despite all of this, I feel empty inside, my past won't leave me alone HIS face won't leave my dreams, my body won't forget his filthy touch, my scars won't fade even if they're covered with ink, they're deeper than just a shape on my skin, they're printed in my memory. Every pain. Everything. My pain should end soon, I can't bare it anymore and I can't drag Michael along with my dark past and dark personality.

We finished our senior year and we graduated. After the graduation we were eating dinner with our families when father and Cris gave us our graduation gift. It was a one day visit to Venus. Michael was super exited but I faked a smile and nodded in agreement. Don't get me wrong I wanted to go to Venus but I had a very important task to do that night when we come back from Venice.

We packed one outfit and some other stuff for our trip. We waved everyone a goodbye and we headed to the airport. The whole drive to the airport Michael was holding my hand and talking to me about how exited he was to be with me on this trip and how we'll have fun today and I nodded in agreement. The trip wasn't that long, it was only couple of hours we actually slept the whole ride in each other's arms. When we arrived we booked in a a hotel and headed down to join the tour guide.It was fantastic, everything was stunning and so romantic and Michael did a lot of cheesy things in the middle of crowds and I laughed really hard at his stupidness and cuteness. We had only a few hours to go back and we were eating dinner at a very fancy restaurant. We exchanged kisses, small romantic talks and glances. Everything was perfect. It was a day that I'll never forget. It was the best day of my miserable life.

We parked in front of my house after we returned from Venus. I looked at Michael before leaving the car, my eyes so watery and I felt like crying. When he noticed my tears he frowned but before he could say anything I grabbed his face and pulled him into a long loving kiss who he returned eagerly. I left the car and waited him to drive away to see him leave. He waved and sped towards his house.

I started walking towards my lovely and calm place. The bridge. I grabbed my long dress that I was wearing at the diner who I didn't have the chance to change before coming back. This night was amazing, I'm so lucky to have Michael as a loving and caring Boyfriend. I actually don't deserve him, he deserves someone who's funny, and not depressed and fucked up like me. He is doing everything in his power to make me happy and forget my past. Yet my happiness would fade hours later when I'm home alone. I feel like it's my destiny to stay stuck with my past. I am now standing on the very edge of the bridge.

Michael's POV

When I return home I knew something wasn't normal. Annabelle was acting strange. She stared at me more than she usually does and dozed off several times while smiling sadly at me. The way she hugged me and kissed me before she left tonight was suspicious as if she was saying goodbye or something. I panicked, I took my car keys and drove to her house. When I arrived,  I climbed up the tree that led to her balcony and then opened the balcony doors. I didn't find her in the room, I found a piece of paper on her bed. I couldn't move, I was frozen in my place and frightened. I grabbed the paper with shaky hands and started reading.

Dear whoever cared,
I am sorry that it has come to this.

The fact is, for as long as I can remember my motivation for getting up every day has been so that you would not have to bury me. As things have continued to get worse, it has become clear that this alone is not a sufficient reason to carry on. The fact is, I am not getting better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on. All day, every day I can feel a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body. It is nothing short of torture. My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety, even with all of the medications the doctors dare give. Simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me. I can not laugh genuinely. I derive no pleasure from any activity. Everything simply comes down to passing time until I can sleep again. Now, to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing and I just thought that it is better to simply end things quickly.

Father, I'm sorry I'm a disappointment for you, you've spent your youth raising a reject like me. You've done everything you can to fix me. Sadly, it was never enough for recovery. I've always wanted to be the perfect child but in spite of all the therapy and training I couldn't get over my past, I couldn't let go. I've  disobeyed you so many times and embarrassed you and I'm sorry for that. You were a great father, a really great father, you deserved a better daughter, a real one maybe, and I'm sorry if I was a reason to stop you from having one. And that Emily of yours,  I've never liked her. She's a total bitch. Sorry. I didn't want it to be this way, but I have no other choice. This is not your fault in any way, you were actually the reason that kept me going but I guess this is where it ends. I love you and I'm sorry. Goodbye.

Skylyn, you're an amazing friend, you sticked around even though I tried pushing you away at first and I'm thankful that you did because I needed you. You're different from anyone else, you have a great big, innocent heart and you will come to see that it is a far better thing as one day after another passes during which you do not have to worry about me or even give me a second thought. You will find that your world is better without me in it.Thank you my friend for everything. Stay strong. Bye.

Michael, I loved you, I love you, and I always will. You're the only UNLUCKY guy who could win my heart. You're the one to blame because you made me fall for you. It's your fault. You're the most annoying, cocky, sweet hearted, idiot, lovely guy I've ever met. I've been soooo happy the past 2 months when I was with you, I promise that they were the best 2 months in my whole desperate life. You made me laugh, have fun and love you. Everyday I loved you more than the other. I really have been trying to hang on. Each day has been a testament to the extent to which I cared, suffering unspeakable horror as quietly as possible so that you could feel as though I was still here for you. In truth, I was nothing more than a prop, filling space so that my absence would not be noted. In truth, I have already been absent for a long, long time. But you don't deserve to be with someone as fucked up as me. You deserve a better girl who'd give you everything I didn't. I see the hurt in your eyes whenever I feel you coming near me, I feel you're getting hurt by my actions sometimes, even though you try your best not to show me. But, I'm not stupid or blind I can see and feel you. Don't ever think this is your fault, you taught me what love is and I guess I couldn't give you back what you deserve. Now go ahead and find your true love, someone who appreciates and fulfills your needs. I'm sorry for the pain I might cause you but I had to end this misery. I'll never be able to recover and I won't ever give you what you deserve to be happy. It is because I love you that I am doing this to you for its better to burn out than fade away.I ask that you be happy for me for that. It is perhaps the best break I could have hoped for. Please accept this and be glad for me. Now I am free. I feel no more pain. I have no more nightmares or flashbacks. I am no longer constantly depressed or afraid or worried. I'm sorry. So sorry. I love you. Bye.

You can't save me I'm already broken.

When I finished reading her note it fell from my shaky hands and I started screaming her name, I couldn't believe this was happening, it was the best night of our lives and then I find this! Why??? Why would she think that way. Was I not enough for her? Did I hurt her more? Where could she be now? When I nearly got a heart attack from thinking where she is right now I remembered something about her favorite place. The bridge. I left her room and ran toward my car, I turned it and sped toward the bridge. When I arrived there I saw a shadow standing on the very end of the bridge. It was the love of my life. Annabelle. She was going to jump. Still wearing her dress from our dinner date in Venus. When I was about to shout for her, to tell her that everything's gonna be okay and that I promise she won't feel that way again. I heard something ....

'SPLASH'