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Beyoncé
Denise stabbed my dad in the chest while he was holding me.
LeToya killed herself and our child in front of me.
Nothing really shocks me anymore.
Yet, somehow my sister being a liar is something I never prepared for.
She's the one person I trusted completely.
Now, I don't know if I can.
That shit is making me feel fucking crazy.
I haven't spoken to Bia in 2 weeks.
I'd never gone a day without talking to her before this.
Megan goes over to hang out or have dinner with her sometimes but I haven't had the energy.
I don't want to be cruel or disrespectful to her so it's best to just keep my distance when I'm angry.
And I've been pretty angry.
She could have told me at 2.
Or 4.
Or 10.
Or 15.
Or any fucking time before I turned 18 and had spent my whole life thinking my mother was my damn sister.
Thinking my mom killed my dad when they were really my grandparents.
Thinking that I was burdening Bianca when she was supposed to be taking care of me the whole time any damn way.
Honestly, I'm so annoyed because she's been an amazing mom to me and I never knew she actually held that title.
I would have been just as proud to be her daughter as I have been to be her sister.
I don't get why she didn't just tell me.
I didn't keep things from her.
Except the shit with LeToya.
But I told her eventually.
"Ready?" Megan questions.
I nod taking her extended hand, letting her lead me down the stairs and out the front door.
She's making me go to my own house for dinner because apparently I'm 'dragging it' and I 'need to talk to Bia'.
I open the door and smell my favorite: Smoked Sausage Alfredo.
Niggas love an Alfredo.
Megan, Mani, and Uncle Kevin all throw down, don't get me wrong, but I've definitely missed Bia's cooking.
"Hey." I say when I'm finally face-to-face with my sister.
Mother?
"Hi." Bia says softly.
I've missed her a lot.
I did realize how much until right now.
"How you been?" She asks me.
"I'm alright. You?" I respond back.
"I'm alright, too." She says.
This is the most awkward conversation we've ever had.
"Come eat before it gets cold." Bia says walking to the kitchen.
Megan tugs my hand slightly, getting me to move in the direction Bianca just went.
We take our seats and dig in.
The silence is deafening.
And that's coming from me— the mute.
After a while, Bia speaks up.
"Bey..." She starts clearly trying to find the right words.
This is such an interesting sight because she always knows what to say.
"Why did you lie?" I ask her.
"I was ashamed." She sighs.
"Of me?" I question.
"Of course not, BB. You're the best thing I've ever done." She tells me, wiping her eyes. "I was ashamed because I didn't consent to sex with your biological father. He was Denise's drug dealer and she didn't have the money one night so he took...me."
Bia doesn't cry much so seeing the tears in her eyes is tearing me up inside.
I can't help but feel like I'm the reason she's crying which makes me cry.
Megan grabs my hand gently.
She's so comforting.
"Did dad know?" I ask Bia when I can finally speak again.
I can't imagine him getting back with Denise knowing what happened to Bia.
He was too good to do something like that.
"I didn't tell anybody." She says shaking her head.
"You didn't have anyone to talk to?" I ask her feeling my heart sink further than it already is.
She's always been here for me but who's been here for her?
"Not really. I didn't want to talk about it anyway..." she says softly.
I nod.
I get that.
Talking about LeToya makes me feel sick.
Fuck.
The shit with LeToya must have been so triggering for her...
I want to throw up.
I hate Denise that much more for putting me AND Bia through the worst times of our lives.
--
Soooo... we're talking things out a little bit. How do you think they'll move from this point?
