Amnesia || phan

Chapter 4

It was surreal and vivid at the same time. Surreal because everything was too harsh. Vivid because everything seemed to be true. Was this another moment of Dan Howell? I cringed, thinking about it over and over again.

I sat up. It was 4 am. I still have hours to sleep before I can wake up.

I went out and drank a glass of water, dry sweat all over my body.
I plopped onto the couch, as I contemplated about the dream, but then decided to let it go, and think about it later and I found myself dozing off on the couch.

>

I was shaken vigorously, and woke up with a throbbing head. I opened my eyes to find PJ standing in front of me. He was with someone, but my eyes refuse to open big enough to see who he was with.

"Oh my god, I'm awake. Stop shaking me." I groaned.
PJ gave me a sly smirk, "Well, then open your eyes and sit. Why were you asleep on the couch?"
Too lazy to give an explanation, I just blurted out everyone's little helper of an excuse, "I don't know."

I sat up, my head was pounding too hard, I wanted to puke. I rubbed my eyes and I could see PJ better.

He was with Phil.

My migraine automatically subsided at the sight of him, and my heart pounded a little bit faster.

"What are you doing here?"
Phil offered a smile, but only to be interrupted by PJ. "Well, hun," He continued, plopping down on the couch and put his arm around my shoulder. "I came in with my extra key, and saw you sleeping. I let it go and then he came,"

"And then here we are,"

And then there was awkward.

I looked at Phil, "So um,"
He stared at Peej's arm around me, but snapped away when I spoke, "I came here to tell you something, but uh-"
"Shit guys I gotta take this," PJ said, taking out his ringing phone.

Phil and I just looked at PJ as he walked away. 

Phil slowly took a seat beside me, replacing PJ.

Was I excited for Phil to be sitting beside me? Did I feel guilty at all?
But I couldn't resist feeling uneasy.

A familiar scent.

We stared into each other's eyes, for a quick second, and I felt like I was missing something? Deja vu, you could call.

I recall this moment.

"So, uh, Dan?"
I leaned back, "So yeah? You wanted to tell me something?"
He sighed and copied my action, while looking at PJ who was outside, talking to someone on the phone.
"I honestly don't feel comfortable at all talking to you,"
I just looked at Phil.

"With PJ here."
Oh.

"Why?"
He brushed his hand with mine, "Because it's between me and you."
I just kept quiet. What could I do?

"What is so secretive? PJ is my boyfriend, you know."
I saw he flinched when I said boyfriend.

He circled his finger on the couch, near my hand.
"I-, we-, were a th-"
PJ rushed in, before Phil could continue.

PJ and his timings, could not be much much better.

"Guys, I gotta run. Something came up, I'll tell you later babe."

Right now, as bad as I feel by thinking of this, I was kind of glad PJ was going to leave.
As PJ slammed the door behind him, I rested my head on the couch.

"Continue,"

"Nah, it's, it's nothing."
I tugged onto his sleeve, "It's something."
He gave me a slight smile, "Trust me, it's nothing, and as a matter of fact, I'll just waste time staying here."

He touched his hand onto mine, resting it for a few seconds, before everything around me started to spin.
I let out a groan, massaging my temples with my fingers.

It came back to me.

"I love you." I heard Phil mumble, confidently, but with a hint of insecurity in his voice.

My heart thumped faster, adrenaline rushed through my body. My eyes widened, and my lips slowly shaped a smile. It felt weird to be loved by someone who you don't deserve. This was the first time he had ever say it.

I looked back at him, who eyes focusing his eyes on me, surely waiting for me to reply. I put my hand on his, staring at him. The duvet that was covering us, will be the witness of it.

Everything is perfect.

"I love you too."

I opened my eyes, regaining my composure.
Phil was beside me, looking worried, "You okay? Did you have a headache or something?"
I slowly nodded.

What was that feeling?

That familiar feeling, why did I feel that?
Was I in love with Phil?

"Are you sure you're okay, Dan? You don't look like it. Do you want me to grab you a cup of water?"
I was lying down on the couch, and Phil was about to go to the kitchen to grab me a glass of lukewarm water when I grabbed onto his wrist.

He looked at me, concern filling his eyes.
I threw my head up, forcing my voice to come out,

"You loved me?"